A
female
age
41-50,
*antdecide
writes:Ok, So, I met this guy online and we started talking. He was 5 or 600 miles away so I never thought it would amount to anything, it was just someone to talk to. After talking for several months, it grew into something more and we decided to meet. We met somewhere in the middle and had a great time, went away again the next weekend and then again a few weeks later I went to his house and met his roommates and even went to a family reunion with him. During this 3rd trip, he also met my sister, brother-in-law and neices as they were near where he lives on vacation. He had previously been in a 4 year relationship with someone who is in his same reserve unit in the Army. Due to this they spent two tours in Iraq together and lived together when they came home. He moved away to go to flight school so they ended up breaking up due to each of them changing while being apart. While we were dating I knew he was still friends with her, which was fine. And I understood that with her being such a big part of his life, I was going to hear about her. But, while I was there for his family reunion/grandfathers funeral, he went running (and called her when he said he called his mom), we rented a boat and went out with his family (and he was text messaging her and lied about it). I also found out that he was talking to other girls, and still getting on the dating website he said he no longer belonged to. I never minded that he was talking to other girls until I found him lying to me about it. Things were not serious between us until the very last weekend we spent together so I understood still talking to other people. The issue came in when he started lying about it. I found out because I found out his password and checked when I just couldnt get passed that uneasy feeling. He continued to deny things and we broke up.Recently we have begun talking again and he is moving back here soon. I genuinely believe that he is a good person and has a good heart and that we could be good together. I am just not sure how to decide whether I can trust him or not. It was so easy for him to lie before, why wouldnt he do it again? He apologized for his "friendship" with his ex and rarely talks to her now. He acts as though he also genuinely cares for me and would like to try again but Im not sure whether to do so or not. Help!
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female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (11 September 2008):
 he sounds confused about what and who he wants. and you need time to forgive him for lying. be very open to him about how you feel and consider taking a break from him. then if he is still who you want and if he still wants you slowly consider rebuilding your relationship back to where it was. don't jump right back in where you guys ended! that is bad news.
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