A
female
age
41-50,
*ish I had the answers
writes:I hope there is someone out there who can help me. I have been dating this guy for almost three years I love him so much. We recently broke up because he is extremely jealous and possessive and things seemed to get worse. Since the break up he has been promising me the world and how sorry he is and how he has realised his mistakes. He is currently seeing a psychologist and is now phoning me constantly wanting us to get back together but how do I know that he can change? We have broken up many times before but things were always fine for a while but then he would go back to his old ways. This is the fist time he has been willing to go and see a psychologist and so that is why part of me feels that maybe there is some hope for us. I just feel so confused as to what to do I love him with all my heart but I just can't go back to that way of life. I just want to know if there is anyone out there who has experienced anything like this before and things worked out for them or if there is someone who had a jealousy problem and is now changed. Should I try again or am I setting myself up for more heartache?
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broke up, get back together, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wish I had the answers +, writes (8 April 2011):
Wish I had the answers is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice I really appreciate you taking the time to try and help me but I really wish that there was someone out there who has been thru this situation or if there is a guy out there who has had this problem and has overcome it or realised they will never change.If there is I would really appreciate you writing to me. Thanks
A
female
reader, Wish I had the answers +, writes (8 April 2011):
Wish I had the answers is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe apparently has always had this problem even in other relationships.He is a nice guy except for this problem. He tells me he knows he can change because he is more aware of his behaviour and how bad he treated me and wants to make it up to me. But when I say to him that he must first sort himself out and then phone me in a few months he just won't accept that and says I would have moved on by then. I believe if our love is meant to be it will be able to wait. But he refuses and calls me all day long I just don't know what to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2011): Best answer i can give you. is that if he was jealous before what makes you think that he has changed? And he will tell you whatever you want to here to get you to come back. however if you feel that things will work out between the too of you thin be careful and good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 April 2011):
Of course he's not changed. The proof is that he constantly rings you now telling you that he's changed - i.e. he still can't let you go and still hassles and controls you. He's not changed at all, and it will take him years before he is someone who won't just be jealous.
Leave him in the past where he belongs.
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A
female
reader, madlib  +, writes (7 April 2011):
Is his jealousy founded or is it speculation?Usually jealousy is a result of low self esteem and not considering ones-self of worthy or of value to their partner. Are there other signs of these behaviors? If so, it takes a long time and serious processing to overcome jealousy and accept your partner and trust them. Trust is a huge factor, if he trusted you he wouldn't be jealous...and unfortunately no amount of therapy is going to fix that in your relationship. Either he is proud of himself and trusts you or he will continue to doubt himself and you. Also-distance makes the heart grow fonder, but it doesn't necessarily make you grow...he might just be realizing what a good thing he got, someone to stroke his ego and tell him how much you need him because he is unable to feel secure about himself alone......Usually when things go worse...they go really worse....do you really want to endanger yourself with someone who promises they will never do it again, but has made those promises before and broke them?
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