A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i have been with my boyfriend for about 11 months a year next week. He has done some things to me that i have not quite forgiven him for, i am happy to be with him but the thing is we fight a lot, mostly every day mostly on my part on little things and i do not know why, i guess it is just the way i get out the anger or hurt from the things he did to me. We had a major fight two days ago and i told him that i want to break up but i said that out of anger, well yesterday he said that we should take a break to see where we are i told him that i do not want to because i think we can work it out! i do not knw what to do, i do love him but the things he did to hurt me so much, what do you think i should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): I was in a similar situation. It's so difficult to be with someone and act all happy when you haven't fully forgave them for doing something horrible to you.
I know you say you didn't want a break but I think it is for the best. A break from someone does normaly help alot! It gives you time to think and heal obviously depending on how long you're having a break too.
If I was you i'd go on this break for a while, seems like you're a little stressed in this relationship. Go out, meet new people and have some fun whilst you still can!
When you're both ready you can get back together and sort things out for yourself. I'm sure things will turn out just find. Afterall, time is a great healer.
All the best. x
A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 To be honest, a break may be the solution here. Take the space apart, keen in occasional contact by phone, text, email or letter.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (11 March 2010):
 well it all depends on what he did to you to be honest because if you cant forgive and forget then yourl never move forward and keep throwing what ever it is back in his face.you both need to have a talk about how you both are feeling and see if yourl ever be able to forgive and deal with what he did to you.i think space might do you some good to work out if the relationship is something you are both willing to put the effort into and work at also you need to find another way of coping with your anger rather than lashing out.i think you should allow the space as its probably for the best it doesnt necessarily mean your relationship will end its just time for you both to think and have some time to yourself seperately.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2010):
You kind of walked into that one when you said that you wanted to break up. The reason being, that's the one thing that will make a man think. He will either suddenly make a huge effort, or will revise all his thoughts about where everything is and pull back. Your boyfriend pulled back. That would indicate that he is entirely worried about the situation and now needs time and space to think. Do not hassle him at this point, because you will drive him further away. You said something in anger, and it backfired. Now you need to talk to him calmly and say that you understand he needs space, but that you would like to work it out.
That said, if at 11 months together you're already taking a break and have argued a lot, then I'd say it's not working out at all.
You need to reassure him you're there, but you now need to give him the space so he can make his decision.
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