A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I lived together, then he got a better job across the country. We miss each other a lot and the distance has been rough. I have only been able to start my job search this month (we've been apart a year). We just signed a lease on an apartment together, so I'm paying a little less than half of that.He's gotten really antsy to have me out there and has offered to pay for most of the living expenses for a few months while I job search. I have some good leads and contacts so I'm hoping something will come up soon.I feel very uncomfortable with the arrangement though, with being dependent on him financially. He makes plenty of money, so that's not an issue (so do I in my current job). I'm more worried that it could strain our relationship in some way. It just seems wrong to move out there without a job. But on the other hand, we really really miss each other. It's been long enough that we've been apart that we're growing apart. I love him but it seems like a bad idea to quit my job without another waiting for me. I want to, but it also seems like a bad idea. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy is he a creep? He doesn't want to be apart any more and is willing to support me for awhile so we can be together. My problem is that a) I don't want to become someone who sits at home all day waiting for her partner to come home and b)I make my own money now and am uncomfortable with the idea of relying on someone else for it...
Bob_Loblaw, I am not nervous about him at all. I am nervous in the sense that it's a huge change for me, but it makes the most sense for me to move. He has a great job, and my job is ending anyways. I'm not sure if he's genuinely OK with paying or if he's just feeling total desperation at the separation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2012): I say run away ASAP. He sounds quite the creep.
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A
male
reader, Bob Loblaw +, writes (15 August 2012):
When I first read this, I wondered whether your concern about being financially dependent on him temporarily was a way for you to hide a deeper concern about whether moving across the country to be with him was really the right decision for you to begin with. Even if you did have a job waiting for you out there, would you still have misgivings, maybe about something else?If not, then read on....Like in most any situation, the best thing you can do here is communicate.It does sound like you really want to be out there with him, and that he really wants you to be there too. That's great, but at the same time, you are feeling uneasy about being financially dependent on him, even if just for a while. Tell him that. Make sure that he's really okay with it and that he will give you the time you need to get your footing financially. And assure him that you really will try hard to pull your own weight, and that it matters to you to be able to do that. If your relationship is as strong as you think it is (or hope it is), then just getting that out in the open will go a long ways toward relieving any tension about these matters. It is scary leaving a sure thing (your current job) for the unknown, but there is also the potential for a very rewarding new life for you on the other side. Only you can ultimately judge here whether it's worth the risk....I know for my part that when I had a long-distance relationship that eventually failed after she tried moving out to be with me, it was largely because we had some unspoken problems with what shape the living situation was going to take when she got out to where I lived. It made for a big mess, and both our lives got messed up for a while as a result. If you have any doubts or fears about how life might be after a month or two, let him know now. Don't let it fester or just assume that it will magically solve itself. Maybe things will work out ok anyway, but even if they do, it's still better to be honest about things. It's very important especially after being apart for so long that you two are really on the same page here. You both have to work extra hard to re-establish the connectivity in your relationship, and this is one way to do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2012): Your bf sounds rather controlling. He wants to have power over you, and to make sure to remind you of these days in the future if need be.
I think you should take care of your own self, break up with that manipulative dude and move on.
Good luck xxx
Emily
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