A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Been seeing a guy right, everything was great.. Until he asked me a few days ago to let him record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual place..to send to his guy friend! Is this relationship between them normal? Do guys do this with their friends more often than not?
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male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 July 2017):
Say NO, unless you want to end up on a porn site and it ruins your career and job prospects.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 July 2017):
 No Honey that is not normal, in fact it is very disturbing and it sounds like you need to be very very careful.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 June 2017):
 Yes, 44 pretty much blows my assumptions out of the water. So what we have here is a 44 year old veteran of failed relationships making unhealthy relationship requests. Sounds like a lose / lose deal for you. Tell him NO and watch him fade into the sunset. That is all the proof you will ever need.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 44 year old guy wants to record him having sex with you (even if your face doesnt show).
Again. Yuck. Not normal. Run for the hills.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe daddy daughter thing would make sense! He said he wants me to be his "little baby", we stopped at the store so I could run in and get a drink and he said "what are you getting out of here?" To which I replied a few sodas and he said "I'll go get them, there's alot of guys in here and if they look I WILL fight"..I was like ooooh no!!! I thought maybe older guys were better than the young ones that I've experienced. It's just plain weird though, definitely a mistake you guys
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 June 2017):
 OMG that *IS* sell-to-a-porn-site creepy here. How long have you been with him??? He's in his 40's, so he's no stupid kid taking a stupid bet at a frat party. This is a creepy daddy-daughter shit here, and pardon my language, but this is BULLSHIT and you need to RUN!
DO a background check on him! RUN for the hills and keep your clothing ON! EW I need a cold shower now!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 June 2017):
 He is 44? That just makes it weirder and a bit creepy!! I can see a youngster wanting to egg friends on or BRAG/ make stupid bets... but a 44-year-old? Just no.
ALWAYS listen to your gut. When something seems "too good to be true" or just plain "NUHUH! Weird" then listen to that and don't compromise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way guys, I don't think the my generation thing is gonna stick here. This man is 44 years old.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Been There, he doesn't want me to give oral, he wants to basically (sorry tmi) lick my booty and send it to his friend. Mind you guys, his friend has never ever seen me.. Like of all the things you could ask to record to send your male friend, why eating booty? He wanted his face in it. He got descriptive for me. Said I don't have to show my face, which makes me believe him and his friend maybe get aroused seeing each other perform sexual acts? Is that far fetched guys? I don't know, but I definitely don't want to find out. Yall are right, I'm definitely uncomfortable with the idea. Something in me just sent a red flag to my brain when he asked me. I can't explain it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 June 2017):
OP said "record himself giving me "oral" in the not so usual place."
I'm not arguing with all of the good advice given, but if I'm reading this right I would think he should be the one worried about exposure. With the right camera angle all that would be seen is her lower back and his FACE.
Any way here is the real problem I have against this. Intimacy. Something shared just between you two. In this case Sexual intimacy. When he shares your intimacy with his friend, it is no longer intimacy. It becomes public, possibly widely public, but the important thing is that once it is shared it is no longer an intimacy that can help hold your relationship together.
While I am on this hobby horse, let me continue. If he shares information about your finances with anyone except your accountant/ financial professional, then that financial intimacy is lost. If he shares a secret you shared with him, that emotional intimacy is lost, and some trust. If he shares details of your sexual intimacy with anyone, even just in words, then that intimacy is gone.
People in your generation seem to have a lot of trouble with this. Every detail of their lives is immediately shared on social media, with little thought of boundaries. If you have read and understand all of this advice, you will have a good handle on what it takes to build intimacy in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (28 June 2017):
Yuck! Not normal.
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A
female
reader, ellsie96  +, writes (28 June 2017):
 No, no, no, definitely do not agree to this! You are clearly uncomfortable with the idea and that is why you have come to dearcupid to talk about the issue - this kind of behaviour is not normal!If this guy respected you he would not expect you to do something like this, especially as he wants to show it to his friend. He could show it to anyone, put it on the internet, spread it around among all his friends, and once he has done that you have lost complete control of the situation and will never be able to get it back.Do not agree to this!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2017): No not normal...actually pretty sick
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male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (28 June 2017):
 No way should you do this! He just wants to show off to his friend (not very mature) and the recording could end up anywhere.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2017): Please don't. It WILL end up on PornHub somehow. (unless you want to be a pornstar, which by the way you worded it, I would guess no)I'm just glad he said right off the bat that he would show it to his friend. He could of just said he wanted to record it for his own use and NOT told you that he would show it to his friend. Even if he tries to tell you now that he will not show it to his friend, he still probably will if you record it for him. You have every right to do this. It's your body. You should only do it if you want to and are okay with other people possibly seeing it.No, this isn't something people normally do in relationships. Guys that show other guys videos of that kind of stuff (their homemade ones specifically, though showing other guys porn vids is also considered weird) are seen as douches even to other guys. You honestly deserve better. I don't know if the friend is trying to pressure him for a free vid of you, or whatever. That doesn't excuse it.Assume that any video of you performing a sexual act could be easily shown or sent to others. That can ruin job opportunities down the line and future relationships if it ends up in the wrong place. Would you date a person who has a sex tape of them online? Some people would, some people won't.You trust the person now, but how many people have you trusted over the years have turned their back on you? It can always happen. You are smart to ask for help online. Thank you for posting this and thinking it through first. Now you have to decide what you want to do.Good luck...
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 June 2017):
 I am sure your gut instinct must be screaming at you not to do this. Please listen to it. It is there to protect you.
You would not be writing in and asking the question if you felt comfortable with this guy's request. I dread to think what sort of relationship he has with his "friend". Are they having bets to see what they can get women to agree to? That's what my suspicion would be.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 June 2017):
Oh no no no no no.
Why would he need to do that? And what do you think will happen with that recording after he sends it? How many other guys will it be distributed to? And if you two break up how will you know it won't be on some website without your knowledge and consent...?
I COULD have perhaps seen the "idea" of him wanting to record it for HIMSELF (or you) to look at but friends? WTF?!
What are you his GF or his personal porn star?
This would be a deal breaker for me too. ABSOLUTELY.
No F'ing way I'd be OK with that or dating someone like that, who has THAT little respect for me. Personally, my trust and respect for him just went out the window there...
You have to decide for yourself if you really think that it's appropriate for a BF to ask and whether you can trust him to NOT record you without your knowledge.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 June 2017):
SERIOUSLY!?! I would be 1,000 levels of pissed off if that request ever hit my ears. Sounds more like he wants to make money uploading you to a porn site. DO NOT DO IT. In fact, don't let him touch you again. How do you know that he's not recording you without your knowledge??
The request alone would be a dealbreaker to me.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (28 June 2017):
The risk here is where this will be going. Once you are recorded having sex, it can go ANYWHERE! What happens if you break up with the guy and he wants to get back at you by shotgunning the clip of you giving him oral? Even if your boyfriend sends it only to this guy friend, his guy friend will likely be showing it around.
The answer to your question is no, this is not a normal thing to do. I've never heard of this before. And he obviously counts his guy friend as a better friend than you. He wants to take advantage of you to impress his friend. I would dump this guy asap.
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