A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I think I already know the answer to this one, because of what my friends have said - but I need a second opinion. I recently met a guy online through our blogs and we've been emailing quite frequently. He's suggesting that we meet up for sex, and I really want to but I'm wary of the potential danger. I don't want anything from this guy apart from sex, and so I'm not worried I'm going to get hurt emotionally - but how do I know that he's not a random psycho? I don't want to put myself in any physical danger. I do trust him, because he's confided more personal details in me (i.e. where he lives) than I have in him, and he's sent me pictures of himself. What do you think I should do? xxxx Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Nick Man  +, writes (11 August 2008):
DONT DO IT! if he asks it means thats what he wants. dont do it. HE JUST WANTS PERVERTED SEX!
A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (9 August 2008):
 I was the anonymous answerer. I hope I stimulated something in your reasoning and senses. Take Care!
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A
female
reader, les +, writes (6 August 2008):
If you dont want anything apart from sex and don't mind hooking up with a complete stranger... why don't you just go to a local bar or nightclub and find a guy and hook up with him?
Getting NSA sex is probably one of the easiest things in the world, I really don't understand why you want to meet someone from the internet, worry about the physical danger, contemplate it, put yourself in physical danger, ask this guy questions about him, do a background check or whatever you want when you could be in bed with someone after the next happy hour is over...
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Why would you want to degrade yourself, just by meeting random men and having sex with them? He is either a psycho or a pervert who gets his kicks, through having casual sex with women he meets online.Obviously you are new to this sort of thing, otherwise you would not have posted this thread for our advice. You will catch STD if you go through with this, because you don't know his sexual history. Get some self respect and not meet this guy purely for sexual fix. I believe sex is a beautiful thing that can be abused in these terrible ways. It is more enjoyable with someone you love and care about. i am not just saying this beacause you are a woman, I would have said exactly the same thing if you was a guy too. Besides how do you know those photos of are actually him? As for him sending personal details about himself, he is doing this so he can totally reel you in.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Am I a man or a woman? Am I young or old? Am I educated or not? Good looking or unattractive? Safe or dangerous? Sane or a lunatic?
Can you tell just from my writing? And if I were to send you a picture of me, is it REALLY me or a photo I pulled off of the net?
I like you, I want to meet you. WOULD YOU? NO! The internet has a lot of preditors out there, looking for girls just like you. Who knows what horrible things they have in mind. Watch some horror movies that pertain to this type of scenerio, and you will never be tempted to meet anyone with whom you chatted with on the net, ever again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Yikes! God, I hate the internet when I hear stuff like this. Have you even spoken to him on the phone? He could have told you the truth about his personal details or he could have lied, like a sidewalk. And are the these pictures, he sent...are they really pictures of him? There is absolutely no way of knowing if this guy is a weirdo, perv or psychopath or not. What a great risk you take with yourself, especially in such a vulnerable way...getting naked, having sex with him...means you both are alone and physically, at great risk. The best thing I would suggest you do, is first, meet him in a public place and have some friends with you or on standby (sitting in the same place) , just to make sure he is who he says he is. You need to talk to him and get a sense of how safe he truely is. Some things to watch for in his demeanor would be:
Displays signs of anger or frustration or any attempt to control or pressure you into sex is a sign of control-take note, that is a biggie! Or he degrading/ disrespectful comments either to you or about other females, in general. He looks significantly different in person than from their photos or online persona. He's much too focused on sexual encounters. This last one is important...if he will have sex with you, you had better make sure you aren't at risk for std's..it's likely he has many of these sexual encounters and often. The online world has many willing potential partners that are like you and him...simply wanting to get their jollies off..nothing more.
Now let's talk about you. Whether you agree to having with this guy or not, is your choice and it is a personal matter of yours alone, as you are an adult.. But just one thing, I think you may be crossing the line here and stepping back from reality. The internet is good for this type of thing, but sadly the human mind is good at finding logic "after the fact and using that common sense as it is needed". It’s a quirk of human nature and sadly, sometimes the line between fantasy and reality can get very blurred, too. Stay real, hun and think ahead. Protect Yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Okay, I totally see your point.
But can I just ask you if you think it's degrading if I want him just for sex? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean that I need all that romantic stuff.
And I don't have doubts because of him and the way he's been, but because of all the other stories and the things people say to me. I don't want to end up chopped up under some one's floorboards (not that I think that's what will happen!)
I guess it's not going to happen though!
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female
reader, Deema +, writes (6 August 2008):
 The fact that you already have doubts shows me that your instinct is telling you to keep away. We don't have these feelings for nothing. If only we listened to them we wouldn't get in half the trouble we do. It isn't a safe thing to do. You know that. Your gut is trying to tell you. Listen to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): You can get pictures off of google images. Webcam you might feel a little more safe, but at your age and because men in general are physically stronger than women, he can over power you easily.
At a different angle, don't you think its degrading that he wants you just for sex?! If he really wants to meet you he'll talk to you and get to know you for a bit, and go a hell of a lot slower.
Remembering the internet is a big place, he could be anyone.
Sorry I couldn't bring better news, but its better to know it now rather than when you meet him and it goes wrong surely?
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A
male
reader, Ryan_Boxer +, writes (6 August 2008):
My advice to you would be to ask him to go on webcam. If he doesn't have one, get him to buy one. Then you know what he REALLY looks like. He could send you pictures of anyone and say they are him. Also ask to meet him for coffee in town so you can say hello for a few minutes, because you want to see him in real life before you sleep with him. Make sure it's a really busy public place for your own safety. If he seems normal and your attracted to him, then you can meet up later for some fun.
I wouldn't just go to his house without doing that stuff first. :)
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