A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'll be starting uni in the fall as an international student, and, as I'm sure most incoming freshmen do, I did a little facebook research on the current students at this university. Of course, I didn't contact any of the guys, and was left just drooling over their pics, especially one guy's in particular, who also happened to be from my country.So you can imagine my surprise when after a couple of weeks after discovering this guy, he sends me a friend request. A little later on in the day he messages me. That's when we started talking, usually for about 1-2 hours a day. He did mention wanting to hang out after he came back home, but I didn't really think he was serious about it. From a 1-10 scale, this guy is an 11, whereas I, although not outright ugly, am a bit heavier than the average girl, at a BMI of around 26.So, he comes back, and sends me a message asking when we can meet up. We go out, we talk for around 4 hours, nothing other than that happens. I didn't even want anything else to happen, given that I'd found out he had a long-distance girlfriend.After that outing we didn't talk that much, but after about a month he started messaging me again, and we started talking even more than we had at first. We went out again, this time cycling, and again we just talked and nothing more. Then a couple nights ago he randomly asked me out in the evening, and we went to this pub, and again we had a really good time. It almost felt like we were dating, but without the hand-holding or the kissing.Now he wants us to go out to a movie. I don't know what to do. He's never mentioned his girlfriend, but judging by her facebook profile picture, they're still very much together. I feel that if we keep on hanging out, something is bound to happen, there is some sort of chemistry between us, and I'd hate to be the one to break a relationship. I'd ask him about his girlfriend, but I'm afraid he'll think it's weird that I would even think of the two of us as more than friends. And I'm fine with us staying friends, but the whole direction this thing is headed to seems a little more serious than that. What should I do?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 You already speak of a chemistry that exists between the two of you which to me already poses a problem. For now it may be all fun and games, until you start expecting more out of a situation that you can't get more out of. I doubt that with this "chemistry" already there, it won't be a problem to let go if things do get deeper. You should just leave things as they are. Don't get into this any deeper than you already are or you may end up getting hurt. Keep this guy at an arms length. This should be one of those so close but no further situations. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 You might start off as innocent friends but all the stuff that you're doing is couple stuff and whether he realizes it or it, you'll soon be his "work wife". You'll end up spending more and more time with him, you'll start depending on each other for company, there might be a "I'm so lonely, I just need a hug" moment when you'll think, "awww...poor thing"...and poof...before you know it, you're in bed with him and things have spiraled out of control.
If you know he has a girlfriend, then just stay away from him because where you're headed is not exactly the best place to be in. You cant stay just friends because its highly improbable and while you might not *want* a relationship with him, loneliness in a new place and the familiarity factor with someone from your country will eventually push you into a place where you don't want to be.
You're just starting university life, don't complicate it from the word go. Slowly wean yourself away from him and make new friends.
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A
female
reader, hilary  +, writes (30 July 2014):
 I would advise you not to bother with this guy. You have very low self esteem and talk as if he is some sort of God who is doing you a big favour if he contacts you yet he has a girlfriend which he conveniently forgets to discuss with you. She is away and it suits him to spend time with another woman - how unusual! I very much doubt he has any intention of dumping the girlfriend but would love to have one for when she is not around. A bit like being a married man's bit on the side. Because you do not have confidence you cannot see this and see it as a compliment. Believe me, it is not a compliment it is insulting. He must have picked up that you lack confidence and is trying to take advantage of it because he knows that a confident woman would stick two fingers up at this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): If you feel yourself starting to have romantic feelings for the guy, I think you should stop going out. You're not on the same page.
He probably only likes you as a friend, or he would have made a move on you. You in the meantime, are building feelings for him; and it is going to frustrate you that he has a girlfriend. You'll get ideas in your head that wouldn't be the best.
I think it's now time for you to back-off and turn your attentions to single available guys. You are only being friends with hopes of something more than that. He's not an idiot, I think he knows you're crushing on him. If you weren't initially attracted to him, this would all be safe. I don't think you should spend so much time with him; unless you can tone down your romantic attraction for him.
You're so infatuated with his looks, you're idolizing him like a groupie. Don't do that to yourself. Please don't allow your weight to lower your self-esteem to feel you're not attractive enough for any man. Some guys will prey on that vulnerability.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2014): Be sure to make it clear that you're not in this for the relationship because of this other girl, it's not fair to her. But at the same time, you're entitled to be friends and you don't know what he actually wants. Just keep your wits about you and make your motives clear.
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