A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I have been together for four years. I love him very much, and I would never want to be the reason he turned down a dream. However, I've spent the past few years training in a field that is highly specialized to where we live now. It just doesn't exist anywhere else. I like it, but it's not a dream. He's just finished University and got his dream job offer. It's the job he wants, for more money than he thought he could make, working for a company he respects and wants to work for. He's wanted THIS job since he was a child. It's on the other side of the country. If he takes this job, I'd go with him. He'll be making more money than I would here, and enjoying it even more than I do. My reasoning is that I can find another job I like, he can't find another childhood dream. The problem is that he wants to turn the job down, so that I can keep mine and we can stay close to my family. I've said everything I've said here to him but he's adamant. What should I do?
View related questions:
fiance, money, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, scotfish  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 your fiancee must love you more that anybody could ever put into words and if he happy to give up on a childhood dream to make sure that you are happy it shows what he feels for you. Depending on what you want him todo, ie follow his dream then i would suggest a long talk with him telling him how you feel on it, let him know how you feel about him wanting todo this for you but you want him to follow his dream. Just now it seems a black and white situation but am sure that there be somewere that he could follow his dream and still not have to move you away from yours and your family
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 He loves you enough to give up everything to be with you. Its an enormous sacrifice.
But your happiness comes first to him.
I would see if its possible for him to commute and perhaps some day closer to now, he could find a way to make your careers work together and not apart.
I would hate to think with this kind of devotion that he would be forced to take that dream job and lose someone that he loves more than his dream.
On the other hand, if he gives up his dream, I hope you would be as devoted to him as he is to you. Its quite a sacrifice. But love is just that. Sacrifice and giving of one another is what makes love so permanent.
He wants you to be happy. And he's willing to give up a piece of his own. I hope the two of you bring a great deal of joy to your lives together.
...............................
A
female
reader, dazey  +, writes (17 December 2009):
Without knowing what the jobs are I can't give much advice, but I am surprised to learn of a job that can only be done in one place on Earth.
I know that employers tend to look at the skills which are components of a job, rather than jobs as a whole. these so-called transferable skills allow people to switch jobs to some extent so you could argue that aspects of your work now would have relevance in other less specialist fields.
Perhaps you ought to make a case for wanting to move and experience life somewhere else, look into the types of work available to you straight away, or even training for something else: in any case, make the choice seem viable and realistic. Don't frame your argument in terms like giving up work or dreams, argue that you want to share his dream and you're excited by the prospect of a new life.
Also, bear in mind that people's ideas change so your man's childhood "dream" might not be that now.
At the end of the day, if he's adamant, he's adamant, but just make sure your prince charming will be able to stand and deliver- in terms of work- from where you are because he might ultimately find life unfulfilling.
...............................
|
