A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I have just split up with my boyfriend of 8 years. He is 20 years older than me (I am 30 he is 50) and he says he has just woken up to the fact that he is so much older than me. He feels he has to let me go so I can go off and marry someone else and have children etc. He says he will never love anybody else but he has to do this but i will thank him 1 day.The problem is I thought all of this through about 6 years ago and he can't understand that I don't want children and its just him I want. He has been having trouble with work at the moment in that he has not been earning much and he has also just been diagnosed with a crack in 1 of his vertebrae all of these don't help matters.I have seen him a few times since and when we are together things seem fine but he is adamant we need to do this. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): i think there are deeper underlying issues here and it is not only the age difference. i note that you both do not live together. & that you both see each other occasionally. also you have been together 8 yrs but made a decision only 6 yrs ago about the age difference not being a problem. so for the first 2 yrs what was going on. an affair, was he married??? or were you married? sorry i have too many questions unanswered.
a partner in a committed relationship just doesn't get up one day and decides to end it. something has happened. what?? perhaps you can shed more light on this???
A
male
reader, Dreamlover  +, writes (15 May 2009):
 you know as i read this my only thought was FIGHT you love him, why not fight for what you want.Then again from his side he could mean what he says and thats very noble of him or it could be his escape goat.You have to have a serious one on one and lay all the cards on the tablegood luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): I am so sorry for you, I have been in this exact same situation myself.
I think you should try and have a real talk with him about this, and tell him what you have said here, that it is HIM you want to be with, and that you have thought it all through very carefully. But if he really is adamant that he can't be with you, then I don't think there is much else you can do. The age difference doesn't bother you, but clearly it bothers him. Even if he was to stay in a relationship with you, he would probably be very uncomfortable about the issue, and make a big thing about it. Again, this is what happened to me, it was almost like the guy was feeling guilty for being with me.
I really hope this can be resolved between you two. Good luck. x
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