A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, so… I'm starting a relationship with this guy we've been friends for almost 2 and a half years. He has this huge amount of trust with me which makes me feel kind of guilty because I'm not that kind of people who talk about themselves a lot.Anyway, he said he really likes me, and that he's in love with me and I kind of like him (it just feels weird because we've been friends for so long)But now, he got in touch with his ex who called him once and said he wants him back and all that... He says he's 100% sure he wants to be with me, but he also wants to keep seeing this other girl to "help her" get over their past relationship...I just, don't know what to think anymore, I mean one day he asks me to "give him some time" to help this girl and the next day he's like "whatever, I don't care, I only want you"What should I do?? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2012): yeh hes trying to play it safe and the only reason hes told you about his ex is to try cover it for if it came out of the woodwork if you didnt already know. but he's still being crafty with it.Hes got you who he says he wants but keeping the ex at arms length in case it falls through with you.In other words he's scared to be on his own so he's keeping you both there thinking one of you will be the right partner. He's not helping her get over him at all and he knows that!He's not stupid he's quite clever.helping her get over him is an excuse to keep her at arms length as its better to not see an ex to get over them and move on, common practice even, and if he really did want you, his ex wouldnt even cross his mind.He doesn't want you im afraid, he just doesnt want to be alone so in other words, "anyone interested will do" Dont be second best, chuck him and move on.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 You should make SURE that you DO NOT put out for him until he's done with "... "give him some time" to help this girl..."
Cuz, if you DON'T wait..... he'll have just what EVERY GUY covets.... a "regular" G/F (you!) who is putting out for him... PLUS, another ("G/F") who he can keep "on the side" until/unless he is pressed to make a choice....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Hi,
What I would do is just stay friends with him. He has not given this girl up because he is in touch with her and is not 100% committed to you. So, for the moment, no sex, no reliefs. Stay friends until "he has helped her".
Then when he has finished seeing her, perhaps you can develop your friendship with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2012): I would move on and find someone who knows what they want like you, he obviously doesn't. Either that, or he wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Everyone knows that you don't spend time with an ex in order to help them move on from you, that's just a cop out, sorry. There's obviously still personal feelings there for his ex.
Unless you would settle for a FWB thing with him, then I say you're wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 September 2012):
 Honestly I would tell him that you two can stay friends. He really doesn't seem like he knows exactly what he wants.
I wouldn't move forward til he knows what he wants and can leave the ex in the past where she belongs. Sounds to me like he isn't over her though.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 September 2012):
 why can't you just date and not be committed to each other...
he's not ready to be serious with you but he likes you... that's pretty normal at your age...
no one is ready to settle down...
he wants you and her
that's fine
advice: do NOT have sex with him do not give him blow jobs...
eventually he may give her up or give you up for her or someone else...
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