| A
female
,
*armen24
writes: Where do I start? I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, we've been on several holidays together, have talked about getting a mortgage together and just last week talked of getting engaged. He always tells me he loves me and he used to spend every spare minute he could with me up until the last couple of weeks... he is a professional footballer and wants to make it into the first team of his club. Before he met me he was totally focussed, always praised by his coaches etc. Last season he did not do as well, but I put it down to coincidence. All of a sudden he said he wanted to concentrate more on his football, and didn't want to spend the night with me if he had training the next day. I could understand this so gave him his space and was happy to talk to him on the phone every evening. I just spent the weekend with him, really looking forward to being with him as I have missed him, but he wasn't himself. When i kissed him it was as if he couldn't be bothered, he didn't want to have sex with me, and was v.moody. The weekend ended with me going home upset and frustrated. He called me last night to say he doesn't know what's wrong with him at the moment, he is worried about his career and has too much on his mind. He doesn't want any contact over the next few days so he can get his head together, and he even said he doesn't know if he's going to have time for me during this season? I am so confused, before he would of done anything just to see me for 5mins, now doesn't want me to even text him? His dad maybe an influence always telling him not to think of anything but football. He is 19, I am 24 and have never had a problem with the age difference, he is very mature. I understand he wants some space but surely when he has time off he should unwind and not worry about football? There is definately no one else involved, apart from his mum... what should I do???? I don't spend hardly any time with him as it is so I can't understand it..... Help!
View related questions:
engaged, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (10 August 2005):
lol, point 1:
(Professional) Footballers are one of the least loyal people to their gf's/wifes (or bf/husband if female).
(take David Beckham for 1)
My instincts tell me that he maybe "playing away" so-2-speak.
I mean the reason why he didnt want to kiss you or have sex was because he was feeling guilty? Him being moody was his way of not giving in? He may have caught an STD/STI with a one night stand and is protecting you?
I understand the not before training approach but a football season is along time...
gives the conclusion that:
1) he doesnt love you anymore n he wants to break up without hurting you
2) he does love you but he has found sum1 else
3) he does love you but his career is more important
4) he does love you but sees his career as more important and also sleeping with other women/prostitutes
I dont say stuff like this if im not certain, ok- its possible that i am wrong but i think you should move on and get someone else who treats you better and will see you within the football season aswell as out.
Could he be seeing the secretary? or even more likely a *female* football coach?
OK, anyway whatever you decide...A MORTGAGE AND GETTING ENGAGED isn't the answer, if you NEVER see each other it isnt going to work, is it? If you do that i guarantee u he will leave you/divorce you within 3 years (estimate), and relationship problems after a year (or even within, like you having now).
[I take it you mean football as in soccer otherwise my advice be useless]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2005): His football career is important to him and because he's in training right now, trying to make the team, and it's taking up his entire focus. He's been honest with you and he's had no difficulty putting these complicated feelings into words. You have to respect that. Men are not very good at expressing all these complicated feelings but he managed. Your boyfriend is trying to save his energy up to put into his football career especially at this crucial time when he trying to make the team. You have to be patient, be loving if you're hoping for a long-term relationship with him -who knows, even marriage. By demanding he give you time, how do you think this comes off to him? He'll be thinking that if he ever gets in this situation again and it will happen again, you won't be there to understand and accept his need to focus on his career. He's in a very demanding line of work as many wives/girlfriend's of athletes will likely tell you.
Show him that you are understanding, you love him enough to give him the space and room by allowing him to take the focus off of the relationship for awhile. Just tell him that you understand he's under some pressure right now and don't want to make things more stressful for him. Just tell him that you care and that you'll be there when he's ready to see you. That might be the best thing you can do right now. By being giving, loving and unselfish..it will instill in him that you have the "right stuff" it takes to be a wonderful gf in his life. Put your feelings aside, he will come back..you just have to love him enough to allow this. Keep yourself busy with all the things you love to do, for yourself. Go out with gal pals, hobbies, exercise, relax, rest. Visit your family, but do all you can NOT to focus on what you want from him. Selfishness and neediness are not the impression you want to give this guy. He needs your support..your encouragement. Think about this. I wish you both well..and good luck Hugs, Irish
...............................
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (9 August 2005):
 I think you're being too overbearing. Give him some space. Don't speak to him ever day. You are suffocating him honey.
...............................
A
reader, becky05 +, writes (9 August 2005):
If he has chosen football over you (which he apparently has) then you need to tell him that it is not good enough. Why should you wait around for scraps of his time and affection?
Tell him that either he makes time for you and your relationship as well as his career or you dont see the point in having a relationship that only exists outwith the football season.
...............................
|
