A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts,I'm a woman of 35 and have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. I have never lived with anyone but he has been married before (amicable breakup though, a long time ago). He wants us to sell our properties and live together next year, I want to get married and have children. I'm happy to live with him while we save up to get married, but I'm not happy for us just to live together with no commitment in sight. He says he would like to get married one day and have children, but he doesn't want to make a firm commitment about when and thinks we need to live together for a year or so before talking about it further. I understand his need to live with someone to find out if you get on, and yet I have been in a situation before where the man i was with for a long time told me he never wanted to get married or have kids after a long time together, so I'm keen for this to be clear before we take the next step. I'm worried he could just live with me for a few years, and then my time to have children may have passed. Is the only solution to break up rather than be led on/ Surely he should now in his heart whether he wants to be with me by now? Am I asking to much, too soon? I would love to have children and it would devastate me to be led on all over again. Thanks for readin xx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice xx
A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 I think that you are definitely right to stick to your guns on this one. You can even tell him that studies show that ppl who live together before marriage are more likely to break up. I don't know if giving him an ultimatum is necessarily the right way to go here though. Maybe start by asking him reasons for why he wants to move in together now. If they are financial, say no! If he says that he wants to test the waters, then tell him, no. After 2 years he should have a pretty good idea of who you are as a person. Tell him that he is asking you to take a pretty big chance and to make a pretty big commitment in selling your house to move in with him when he cannot commit to you in the way you would like. With that in mind, it might be best to wait to move in together until he is ready to make firm plans for your future together. It's only fair. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 December 2009):
Yep, I think you have to take a stand on this.
Tell him you have a biological clock and can't take a gamble on not having kids.
Put his house on the rental market and invite him to move in with you. Tell him it will be for 6 months. At the end of the 6 months you want a ring, and a wedding planner, OR he moves back into his old house and you start dating again.
Tell him you love him and want to be with him but you also want children within marriage and you ARE prepared to find another man to do that with.
Let him know you are serious and take control of the situation now.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (2 December 2009):
 I agree with you. Two years is enough time in my view to know whether you want to marry a person.Please listen to your intuition or your gut feeling about this cos it'll be right.
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