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My Latin Lover has become a Latin Monster

Tagged as: Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 December 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2009)
A female Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a Canadian woman, late-20’s, and dated an Italian man for just over three years. At first it was magnificent, the hand holding, gentle face touches, dancing in the dark, romantic romantic romantic. We moved in together and it was downhill from there. He was unemployed, I worked full time and studied for my Master’s full time. I would come home and was expected to clean the apartment, keep the kitchen orderly, wash the clothes, etc. I tried to talk to him about it and the response was “I am an Italian and I have never once touched a dish in the kitchen, nor will I ever”. Need I get started on the jealousy issues? I am not a flirty woman by any means. I have always been faithful, and I had a lot of self respect prior to meeting this man (ahem - monster). After we moved in together, I was called a wh*re daily, constantly accused of infidelity, my panties would be examined whenever I returned from work, I would have to forward work meeting invitations just to prove that I was not lying, my belongings were no longer mine, my performance in bed was constantly compared to other women, had a phone thrown at my face and broke my nose, my tooth was chipped with a fist of his, countless dishes were smashed on the ground, a laptop computer was broken over my back, was kicked while already on the floor crying because of his harsh words/accusations and at the end of two years, I tried to cut my wrists. I had seen therapists and was chastised for it, I tried to manage my work, commute, school, house, boyfriend schedule, and was perpetually reminded of how incompetent I was.

The excuses the entire time, each and every time I meagerly tried to stand up for myself were around the lines of “I am an Italian and this is how we are, this is how you deserve to be treated”.

Are all Italian men truly like this? I know there are abusive men in every country...but do Italians truly BELIEVE these things about women and their superiority?

View related questions: flirt, infidelity, jealous, moved in

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (3 December 2009):

bharat mehta agony auntLove do not and should not means 'suffering'

Love means bliss...and if it is not, then doubt the honesty of lover and urgently make solid judgment...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009):

Oh, Lord! No, not all Italian men are like this! Most men are not like this!

My last relationship was an abusive one (not physically, but bad enough-- hurtful words don't leave bruises but still sting) On dates he was very sweet, easy-going, romantic. I thought I'd found my soul-mate. Then after a long time we tried living together-- it lasted two weeks before I realized I had to get out. Talk about Jeckyll and Hyde! I ended up running away.

This is hard, but the only way you'll get over him is to leave him, have nothing to do with him. Just dump him, never see him or speak to him or read his emails. Quit him cold-turkey! At the same time, please get some counselling. You need to rebuild your self-esteem. Talk to your girlfriends, get them on your side. Also, it's important that your experience with this guy doesn't infect your future relationships with men-- this is where the counselling comes in.

I found reading books by Mira Kirshenbaum (Is he Mr Right?, Women and love) very helpful. Best of luck to you. Be strong, and God bless!

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (3 December 2009):

Tisha-1 agony auntNo, it's not the Italian part of him. It's the a***ole part of him. You found an abuser, and the real question for you is why you picked him and what lessons you've learned.

Don't blame it on his being Italian; that would be the wrong conclusion and won't help you in the future.

Please read this article and take an honest and objective look at yourself. I'm not blaming you for being abused, I'm trying to help you not make another poor selection, and be so helpless that you couldn't leave.

(you'll have to copy/paste this article as the "?" interrupts the link) http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171

Take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009):

lets just assume all Italian men ARE like this. does that make everything allright???? Are you freaking out of your mind??? Just PLEASE for goodness's sake, GET OUT OF THERE!!!

Please don't waste more of your life with this Italian durt bag! Get a life! Any woman on this earth deserve much better than this!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009):

I agree with CaringGuy and Emilyanswers. Just leave him if he continues to treat you that way. There is a better guy for you out there who knows how to treat you right.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (3 December 2009):

Honeypie agony auntMaybe it is time to kick his Latin ass out the door....

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2009):

No, not all Italian men are like this at all. I know a few and they are great guys. But I'm afraid to say your boyfriend is an ass who won't ever be there when you need him. Hardly a knight in armour.

Dump him now and run a mile. Then, when you're ready and you're over him, you'll meet a far better guy.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009):

i completely agree with satin desire here... why are u with a man who is obviously using u... who obviously doent give a damn about u... u say he broke a laptop over ur back... hunny whres ur life gone? do have a social life without him telling who u can and cant see? do u really want to live with this guy who treats u like a door mat? hes unemployed and hes not prepared to chip in with household chores? is he looking for a job? this guy shows no respect for u and is too possesive and jealous. imagine wot he may do to u if he found out about u writin on here? U DO NOT NEED THIS MAN IN YOUR LIFE!! if hes violent like this now who knows how much further he may go? u deserve much better than him and deep down i think u know this. good luck xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009):

No they don't most of them respect women highly as they have a close relationship with their family , in general terms but obviously there are exceptions in every culture.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (2 December 2009):

Yes all Italian men are psychotic. It's all about their DNA. That's why every picture you see of Italian women shows them with black eyes and broken teeth.

NO. DO NOT BE SO STUPID.

You are dating an abusive moron, and for some reason you have chosen to put up with it.

If you continue to stay with him then that's your choice. But don't let him use the fact that his family is from a certain area of Europe as an excuse to treat you like crap. He acts this way because he chooses to. Because he's just a horrible man.

If you are clever you will realise that you've wasted enough time and get out of there.

Good Luck!! xx

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