A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend was married 10 years ago and got divorced. His wife had lied to him and said she wanted children but she never did. The divorce devastated him due to the lies and she also wiped him out financially. Now he has a great fear of marriage and thinks that every woman is just out for a man's money. We have been together for 8 months and I love him dearly but I dont want to waste my time because I do want to get married plus I am not that young anymore to waste time. What can I do? He knows I am honest and trustworthy but yet he still has these barriers. He wants me to move in but I dont want to unless I know that down the road that it could lead to marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): I don't think he will get married again due to his past experience , he will just be too wary. I have to be honest because i am an ex wife and I cleaned my husband out financially and he says he will never ever get married again. He is happy to co-habit but never to marry as I just did him too much damage.
Personally I would not move in with him unless you get what you want because I think you will end up living with him for a long time. I also think marriage and children are important and I would want to hold out for that also so I completely understand where you are coming from. My only issue is that in the main men don't like being bargained with or being blackmailed as they would see it. I have tried to force men into lots of things in the past and by a variety of threats and coercion and never has it worked long term.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 June 2009):
 You're doing the right thing. Wait until you know where you stand with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2009): Often times moving is a first step towards getting married. It sounds like you might need to just gain his trust that you aren't like his ex-wife. It might be helpful before moving to discuss what you both want from the relationship and to tell him you want to someday get married. You can point out that there are prenuptial agreements that will financially protect him. He's going to need time I'd guess, and 8 months really isn't that long to be dating! Think of your motivations too. Are you with this man just because you want to get married? Is just being with him not enough? Marriage changes relationships a lot and maybe he's not ready to make that change. Rushing into marriage never fixes anything, and I wouldn't pressure him into it (especially not so early on). Think of it this way, if you marry him, you're spending the rest of your life with him. What difference does it make if you have to wait a year or two before pledging yourselves to each other?
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A
female
reader, some gurl  +, writes (7 June 2009):
Why do not you both set, say, a deadline..
8 months is it that long period, but not too short to determine weather this is gonna lead somewhere or not.
I think you should agree on a specific get-to-know duration that won't waste your time for nothing neither give him the feeling you are pushing him.
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