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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi my boyfriend of 5 yrs wants me to get plastic surgery for my breasts and wants me to bleach my hair. I was always happy with my breast but he says they should be bigger and higher...he also wants me to become a blonde.....which I dont think would suit me...He watches a lot of porn and says I should model myself on one of the women if I want to be really beautiful...Im scared to tell him that Im pregnant as he always tells me he will leave if I get fat or get a mommy tummy
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boobs, breasts, porn Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): Ok honnieee.. LOOKseriously,he is saying is that your not good enough!(which is not true)He cant make you do anything you don't want to do!and so what if you're fat, skinny, tall short ect. He needs to love you for who you are. Not how hot you are, for what size your boobs are. Sounds to me like he thinks your not perfect enough. Its the personality love and respect. Ask yourself one question, does he really love me? does he want to stay with me forever? and he watches porn as well, so i guess what you give him isnt enough. Not saying give him more.. Im saying he's a JERK.. and would he be a good father, and stay with you?if he really loves you, he would stay with you no matter what. Fat, Ugly, Pregnant, Whatever its whats on the inside that counts :)xx and goodluck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Talk to friends.
Get support. Get help.
When your ready..
Leave him.
Get a new man.
:)
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A
female
reader, yukiakashi  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 why doesnt he get a big fat barbie?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Sorry to hear about this, but if your boyfriend doesnt love you for the way you are then he really isnt worth your time or love. If this was me in this situation i would leave him, but he does have a right to know your pregnant if its definetly his baby. Talk to him and tell you how you feel if you havent already and tell him that your happy the way you are and you will not change for anyone. If he doesnt like this then leave him. It will hurt as you've been with him for 5 years so you obviously love him but it will get easier. You deserve to be loved for who you are, not for who your not.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): Hi i understand that been with someone for five years will mean that you love them dearly but i'm sorry any man that wants to change you is really not worth it every woman is an individual and the person that they are with should love them for who they are if this was what you wanted to do then fair enough but you are basically being told to change your appearance and hair and boobs are part of your appearance and will make a difference to the way you look, you do not need someone around you wanting you to look like a porn star because porn stars all look the same and all look extremely fake. if you are pregnant you do not need to be worrying about your weight as you will be eating for two and if you want a healthy baby and your own self confidence tell him no and if he doesn't like that then he is a selfish person only thinking of himself and relationships are made of two people. i hope i helped i don't like women being told to change themselves and their character for a man because every body can make their own decisions and you should be loved for being you not the colour of your hair and the size of your boobs pps. i dont hate men you just sound like you need some strong advice on not being walked all over. ppps your telling me men would like it if we said your muscles are too small your penis is too small get a bigger one your hair doesn't suit that colour dye it no they would not so why should we, they would say we are damaging their ego so dont put up with it your worth more than that.
xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): Sounds like he wants a different girl than you. Let him go, so he can find her. Wish him luck. lolYou deserve someone who loves you for WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 Tell him that is he doesn't like you for the way you are now then to f**k off. Sorry for the language there but wow. He wants you to change entirely what you look like to fit in with an image he has. Why doesn't he go and find that person.
I would tell him you're pregnant and then leave him hunni. Keep the upper hand cause this bloke isn't worth you!
xxxxxxxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Tell him your pregnant and tell him that if he really likes you he'd like you for who you are so go and march right up and tell it straight good luck
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female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (26 December 2006):
 If you are happy with your hair and boobs, do not change.
If you get fat, as long as you are happy, the right may will love you the way you are.
But leave this control freak, false, loser, idiot, chauvinist pig.
Your other option of course is that is what you want, take two weeks holiday: get your boobs done, go blonde and get even fitter and toned. THEN DUMP HIM!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Irish...you rock.
My Best of Thoughts and wishes are with you as well Poster and I am so happy for you to hear you have a loving and supportive family.
Merry Christmas and The New Year holds great promise; you have courage and have made a wise decision.
*hugs*
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Dear, the reader below who thought you were 17, was looking at the age, you listed above your posting. So are you saying up until recently, he was happy that you were just you? Your bf has a problem and he's made it yours. He sounds like a man who doesn't love you, anymore. In fact, he's in love with a sexual fantasy. When a man loves a woman, he loves 'all' of her...her personality, her essence, her spirit, her beauty for who she just is. He's not the man you have known, in your past. I would end the relationship with the cold, harsh reality of what he stands to lose if he doesn't come 'back down to earth' so to speak. .It would do him some good to face reality. In order to tell him this, you will need to have some courage-some strength. If you have to..can you go this alone? Start making plans for you and this baby. Call in the love and support of your family...you will need it and so will your baby. Get to a lawyer and find out your rights in regards to this pregnancy...after all, he will be owing you cold, hard cash in the form of child support for the next 20 years. I am sorry you are living with this...good luck and you are in my thoughts.
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (26 December 2006):
 Well I certainly wont add to the porn debate as thats irrelevant what I think, but to the question poster what I will say to you is that as long as you LOVE you and are happy with YOU, dont feel you need to change to be the kind of woman your man wants you to be, ok? If you are happy with your hair colour, leave it like that, if you are happy with your breasts, leave them. As long as you are healthy and happy, stay that way. Take care. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Shouldn't the mods close this thread already? I mean, this is ridiculous.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2006): 'Porn (as long as it is not EXPLOITATIVE) is a personal taste and also an industry which keeps many people employed male and females - as models- and in other capacities.'
ROFL....so is the sex slave trade, so is the drug trade...wow what a logical mind you have there....
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (25 December 2006):
 Ah!! Now it's my turn is it. Have the balls to admit which agony aunt you are! It is disapointing to realise that some people do not have the courage of their convictions!!
Porn (as long as it is not EXPLOITATIVE) is a personal taste and also an industry which keeps many people employed male and females - as models- and in other capacities.
Get over your insecurites and get a grip.
Live and let live.
x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2006): any place is the time and place to say porn is bad....full stop...if that is what you believe...afterall the whole world is saying everyday that its ok so why cant those who disagree say so...this is not a country without free speech as the pro porners like to state
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (24 December 2006):
Martini is right, this is no place for yet another porn debate. To tell you the truth I am sick of it. Porn seems to be a HUGE topic on here and many women and men wish to debate it. Take it too the forums PLEASE!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2006): Snowbird, I have no quarrel with you. I was pissed off at the anon because instead of helping the question asker, she again went into another thread and spread her views. There are THREE HUGE porn debates - THREE HUGE ONES, that the anon poster could have made her point. DearCupid may be full of opinions, but rather than give a non-helpful opinion, the least the anon could have done was give some constructive advice.
It doesn't help to say "Porn is bad!" when this is relative to person and situation. However, it can help to say on 22nd December 2006 - 7th post from the bottom.
Opinion is one thing, but this isn't the place or time for it.
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A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (24 December 2006):
 For what it's worth, when a guy is truly in love with you, it isn't your body that he has fallen in love with (although it might be a part of what first attracted him - and it will be a part that fascinates him and draws him to you sexually). Your personality and character is what he fell in love with...
So for your bf to want to change you physically as a condition for him to love you, means he has no love for you at all.
Have you ever known a porn 'star' interviewed on TV, talking about their healthy relationships with their spouses/partners or that they were brought up in a healthy family environment?
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (23 December 2006):
 Attagirl!!
I am shocked and dismayed at Martini's attitude - people have the right to their own opinions either way, and it is something like this which helps folk to make up their own minds... this is an example of what porn is responsible for - just like horror films - yes, in the right hands it can be exciting and fun - put someone with a sick or impressionable mind in front of the set and stand well back!!
I say just be responsible, and have self-respect; keep an open mind.. there are lines we just should'nt, for whatever reasons, cross..
I used to enjoy watching a bit of porn myself but I have found that it makes the real thing seem so tame, it just isn't worth it - it's akin to tickling oneself!!
Also, I have seen it ruin people's expectations about sex, and like horror films, it definitely de-sensitises people's feelings when taken without emotion, or acknowledgement of the consequences.
So yes girl, keep your individuality, and stand out from the crowd.. he chose YOU in the first place, so you obviously have some charms that the blond porn star 'clone' look-a-likes don't!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): also I wanted to tell those who replied I am keeping the baby...i have a good family and think that I will be much happier without him...i will still encourage a relationship between him and the child but seriously dont think he is the guy for me...I can only imagine what he would think of my body while im pregnant and afterwards if he feels this way now...i think i will feel much more secure and happy out of this relationship. thanks again to all of you who took the time to help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): thanks everyone, i have talked to him and he admits it probably is the result of porn at least in our case...he watches it everyday and I know he masterbates to it....if he stops he says he might be happy with me again but really i dont trust him to stop ...he has told me he will stop before and just hid it better...it doesnt help that his brother is the same and really encouraged the his wife to have surgery after her baby was born ...he aslo like his porn...i guess people are right who say he wont change....I am planning a night out tommorrow and im going to call off the relationship. I dont think it will ever be a happy one and now i know that he feels my bodies not good enough i really dont think i can be intimate with him again...also to the person who said im 17 ..i dont know where that came from but im 28 and we met when i was 23....
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): Okay that's it! I was going to keep my mouth shut, but I can't stand people who are so f... [ahem] Deep breath Martini, deep breath...
Alright. Nevermind. I'll calm down now.
No, I can't. THE DIRECT RESULT OF PORN. THE DIRECT RESULT OF PORN THAT IS MAKING EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD UNHAPPY. 100% OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET IS UNHAPPY BECAUSE SOME WOMAN IS UNHAPPY ABOUT HER BOYFRIEND OR HER HUSBAND WATCHING PORN. WOW, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT a handful of women made up the entire population of the planet!
FOR F**k sakes, people like you make me very very very sick. Narrowmindedness, dramatic, overwhelmingly telling people off because your views are the minority that somehow rebels against the individuals who desire it. I truly despise people like you. I come on here and anywhere else, and there is always some freakin troll who just loves to stir up crap like this. WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
Okay, mods, you can delete this comment if you want to, but I'm just really pissed off at this person. Rather than give some MEANINGFUL ADVICE that this woman needs, s/he comes on here and attacks porn all over again! IT'S LIKE the other threads on porn aren't enough to think on, and they have to go to other threads and pollute them with meaningless banter! WHY?!
IF YOU REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT PORN AND CRAP LIKE THAT, seriously this is NOT THE PLACE TO DO IT! At least, take it to the forums, at the very least!
MY GOSH!
If I could, I would exile all of you to one island where you can create your happy asexual paradise.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): please, for your own sanity listen to the common sense of the other posters. i reiterate: leave him. he is immature and not worth staying with. he sounds a bit shallow to me!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): let me put this straight, you need to tell him that if he doesntstart loving you for who you are then you are leaving
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): who does he think he is. he should grow up and learn that he cant have it all. if you dont want to have plastic surgery then you wont have plastic surgery. try and tell him that he cant change you and try to reason with him
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): No no no... I suggest you NOT do any of these things for him. He seems like a very shallow person for suggesting these things. First and foremost, you don't need to compete with anyone, let alone people in porn. You should only do the things that improve your body for reasons that may benefit you and make you feel more comfortable. You shouldn't do the things that others say to you that you should.
It is YOUR body. Being beautiful is relative and subjective to a person's tastes. Just because your bf doesn't think you are beautiful, doesn't mean you aren't.
Change because YOU want to, for your sole purpose, and not for anyone else. Of course, I'm speaking in terms of plastic surgery and stuff like that. If your bf asked you to exercise with him, that's another story.
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female
reader, Abigail.s +, writes (22 December 2006):
 It is easier said then dun to leave this man ... but you should not change yourself for nobody. if he cannot accept you as you are then you should not accept him. to be blonde and big boobs and skinny is very model like and common.He has seen you and been with you for 5 years then why do you have to change, if he didnt like your appearence then he shouldnt of gone near you. He is trying to make you something that your not and to me that should not be tolerated
x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): Tell this jerk to go buy a Barbie doll if he's looking for bigger boobs & bleached blonde hair if he's not happy with the way you are - don't go changing your looks just to please him!!
I mean you are with him 5 years - why all of a sudden is he wanting to change your image?? He's not worth your time and effort and even if you did go ahead with these changes - there's no guarantee he'd like you afterwards!!
This guy is a big time loser and jerk - your much better off with some one who likes you for who you are and not what you could be or look like!!
Ok I know its hard now that your pregnant but if he's saying these things now to you, can you imagine what he'll be saying when he finds out?
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reader, Rainee  +, writes (22 December 2006):
 You've been with this guy for 5 years, but you're only 16 or 17? I've got to say, committing so much and so long to a person at the age of 11 or 12 is a bad idea. Teenagers are forming important physical and emotional connections within themselves that don't give much hope for long term relationships.
But no matter your age, you shouldn't saddle yourself with someone so immature; no female has the obligation to be a porn star (figuratively or literally) to any man.
I would say that you have a right to do what you want with your own body, but he has no right to be an asshole to you.
Please leave him, and if not for yourself, then for the sake of the baby. People put so much stock in staying in relationships for the sake of the children, but don't see the harm that abuse (whether directed at the child or the parent) envitably causes to the child.
Just be sure to file for child support; he has an obligation to the child whether he likes it or not.
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female
reader, sunny-glow +, writes (22 December 2006):
Well he should love you for who you are and not try to change you or else the "original you" will disappear in the process, You can always indulge him through seductive lingerie, a new hair do, a make over...etc but a surgical change is a permanent one and you should only go for it if you want it, you can also go for a new look that suits you only if you also like it (you will never look good unless you feel good.
It's good to please your man and look after yourself as well but always BE CONFIDENT if he leaves you because you gained some weight or got pregnant then he's a fool and you're better off without him, he'd be like a kid who just left to find another doll with more options to play with... is that what you really want???
GOOD LUCK
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): Leave him. He doesn't love you. He is incapable of loving a real woman.
And having one child is not getting fat. I have had four and I still look fab. It's eating good and excercise that keeps you trim.
He sounds like a loser; let's hope he doesn't have a daughter to objectify.
Five years and NOW he decides you need drastic improvements? Have to say...there must have been signs all along of how abusive he is and how shallow he is. He probably has explosive episodes as well...a horrid temper that he allows to run rampant. How long before he is slapping you around and telling you to sleep with other men for his twisted pleasure?
Leave him and take his money for child support.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2006): Well he should be happy with you just the way you are, you can try a new look dying your hair is ok only if you want to...
Be confident and do what you feel right (you can never look good unless you feel good) bigger brests are fine when they're naturally big, if I'm in your shoes I should not try to change myself at all but you may indulge him through little new things like a hairdo, sexy panties, a make over that flatters your looks....
Surgical change is only ok if you want itit is your body and you shouldn't decide on permanent changes just because your partner wants it!!
GOOD LUCK
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