A
female
age
36-40,
*ellome
writes:Me and my boyfriend of over 2 years just recently broke up. We are still very much in love, but he doesn't want to be together unless I change. The main thing is that he wants me to stop drinking alcohol because he doesn't want to be with anyone who does. The thing is that I only drink a couple times a month and when he went to college he went crazy and was always drinking so I feel like it's not fair for him to tell me what to do. He keeps making me feel guilty saying, if you love me so much you'd stop drinking so we could be together. So I guess my question is, should I change things about myself to make it work, or is he wrong to give me an ultimatum? I don't know if I'm making a huge mistake and throwing our relationship away or I'm doing the right thing by trying to move on?
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female
reader, khaotickait +, writes (18 March 2011):
I think that if you two really loved eachother, you'd stop at nothing to be with this guy. stop drinking and be with him, and if that doesnt work and he still tries to change you, dumb him. i understand where he's coming from. my boy did drugs, and becuz he loved me he stopped for me, cuz i didnt like it, and so we were very happy together. sometimes you just gotta make sacrifices for people you love.
A
female
reader, hellome +, writes (7 February 2007):
hellome is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do drink in moderation. I have never done anything i regret nor anything that would hurt him when I drink. I don't drink that often so I do ask myself, why should I lose this relationship over something I barely do. But I think this has nothin to do with alcohol itself, but the fact that I don't think it's right for him to want to control me. I would never ask him to change the things he does if I didn't like them. What else will he want me to change in the future. I never pick going out and drinking over spending time with him
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat  +, writes (7 February 2007):
You say you only drink occasionally so it doesn't sound as if you have a drink problem, so I'd refuse his ultimatum. He has no right to be handing out ultimatums anyway, and adding the emotional blackmail of "if you loved me you would..." etc etc is always a cheap and underhand tactic for people to employ. You can turn that on its head and tell him "if you love me you wouldn't ask me to give up something that I enjoy and that is harmless in moderation"
He sounds a bit controlling to me.
Be yourself and let him love you as you are or get lost and find someone who fits his little template better.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): If he drank when he went to college then there is a difference between the two. Asking him to compromise isn' the smartest thing especially if this is something he did in the past and not something he does presently. I've seen many relationships end because one or the other drank or drank more than the other. I think he is fair in asking this of you. He may be concerned for your health, or possibly it makes him see you differently, in a way he doesn't like.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Why does he want you to give up drinking so much? Did you make a fool of yourself in the past through it? I would compromise with him and tell him you won't drink when you're with him but if you go out with your friends then if you want to have a drink (not to excess remember) then you can.
That way both of you are happy. If he's not happy with the compromise then you need to think... Do I love him more than I love to drink? Is it really such a big deal to give it up? Why is he so against this? How much does it mean to him for me to give it up? Do I really want to? Is this a form of control? Can I handle it? Analyse your feelings then come to a decision but of course only YOU can make it.
Good luck on whatever you decide kiddo! ;o)
Eve
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (7 February 2007):
 Cant you come to some kind of compromise?
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (6 February 2007):
 He is holding you to a double standard, and thats simply not fair. There are reasons that I would consider it permissible for a partner to ask you to stop drinking. Like you were on course for drinking yourself into a destroyed liver or something like that. The reality of it is that it's his attitude that is causing the rift, and he needs to get over it. College is supposed to be fun mixed with serious study, and if a boyfriend won't let you enjoy it then drop him and don't look back, there will be plenty more relationships in the future.
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