A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have separated due to financial issues, his disrespectful stealing son, and his disrespectful self. Anyway I became pregnant, he want to reconcile but cant see himself raising another mans baby. So in other words he want me to abort. But tells me its my decision.Keep in mind he left me. I supported him and his son cause he was unemployed. Recently he has his son back because the mom said she cant tolerate him anymore.While married he stayed with me for three to four years. His mom couldn't handle him for a year. The problem I have is he wants me back only if I abort, but he wants me to accept his child. We have one daughter together, and i want the family back. I just dont think its fair of his condtions, Especially when I bend over backwards to help him raise his and his son took me through hell. My question is what do I do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2010): "Also if you read other post I said I understood that he doesn't have to take care of the one i had during the marriage" so did you already have this other mans kid while being married to your husband?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2010): To anonymous, thanks for your advice. Personally i don't need a bail out. I didn't ask him back he asked me. Also their isn't a jam with the other guy. I was just clearly stating what was going on. Also if you read other post I said I understood that he doesn't have to take care of the one i had during the marriage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2010): To the anon male 25 May, excellent! Well read situation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): There is a big difference between him already having a kid from a PREVIOUS relationship and you creating a kid while you're STILL MARRIED.
The guy may have been a jerk, but there is no way you can expect him to go raise another man's kid. Are you going to hold the child's father responsible for the upbringing?
Sounds more like you guys split up, you got yourself in a jam with this new man and now want your old man to bail you out. Past grievances in no way makes your position right or logical.
It's best to move on from this marriage and try to get your life together on your own. If you supported them before it should be easier for you to take care of yourself with less people to take care of.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (15 May 2010):
 Your marriage is beyond over. From the tone of your post,you obviously have some strong resentment toward your husband for a number of reasons (his son, his disinclination to work), and while I understand wanting your family back,it doesn't sound like family life was all that great in the first place. Are you willing to step back into a situation that is not going to change?
If you don't want to terminate your pregnancy, don't. Too much damage has already been done, and it's not likely your marriage will survive even if you do abort and get back with your husband. Make the other man financially responsible for his baby, make your husband financially responsible for your daughter, do your best to make sure both men are active in these kids' lives and move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): Please don't get me wrong I understand he doesn't have to accept it!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): Thanks for your opinion. But I guess you dont get it. The financial problems was that he chose when he wanted to look for work. I did one hundred and twenty hours every two weeks for two in a half years. Thanks for showing your maturity level you need not reply again. I wasn't looking for what I wanted to hear. I'm all for constructive criticism. I think your issue is a bit personal.I think Maybe you got some issues and my current situation only brought it out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2010): To the OP - you just do not get it , do you? You are married and you are having another mans baby. No matter how bad your marriage was it doesn't justify you sleeping around. I think you just do not get it!!!! So yes go ahead and ha ve this child, bring it into a family situation where you canno take care of it financially and continue to live below the breadline. Responsible parenting??? I just do not get it. Strange hoe you cheat , do the wrong thing yet your husband is blamed for everything. Your hb may have sold his wedding ring but you sold much more. So do him and yourself a favour and forget about keeping your family together. Your hb is not a saint and if he doesn't want to raise another mans seed you cannot force him. Personally I think you both have passed your sell by marriage date. Now that you have decided to keep this other mans kid how do you expect to care for it financially. You admitted that your marriage broke up because of finanical problems. Won't this make things worse for you?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): If I were him I would not be asking you back and if I were you I would not go back.
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female
reader, Dreamer2long +, writes (14 May 2010):
Please get rid of a man who is useless in this marriage. Please keep your baby and be a mother to him/her, and get counseling. Do this for yourself, and for your children. There are millions of single mothers out there working hard for their families. Get YOUR act together, and you will attract a worthy man who will respect you, and love you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 Keep your child, and find a man who will accept raising two kids that arent his. I understand where your man is coming from. He want thinsg tog o back to the way they used to be, and things cant go back to what they used to be when there is a new child in the picture, and new relations to an outside person.
This isn't tit for tat, he doesnt have to accept your child just because you accepted his. Go back together with him then and say you will only have abortion if he gives his son up to adoption??
Make your choice, and dont mix in whatever your ex wants in this. Do you want this child or not? If yes, face the consequences.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): By my husband walking out on me and his daughter after years of me sticking by him shows no respect or loyalty to me or our family. Nor was the fact that he sold his wedding band for a hundred dollars. So please spare me. I'm not saying what i did is right but when you love someone you accept them and there flaws sweetie. Just like I accepted his and son. If i can stay in a marriage and endure what I did from his child and his mom couldn't do a year. Believe you me you wouldn't of last as long as I did. But thanks for your comment.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): Have the baby if your husband loves he will be with you eighter way. If you have the abortion you will regret it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): you knew his son existed before you married him. your hb did not hide him from you.
now you are married, and you became pregnant with another mans child. i CANNOT see how you can expect your hb to accept another mans child. you certainly don't accept his son. Damn seems like you hate his son yet YOU EXPECT him to take on another mans illegitimate seed. Your expectation exceeds common courtesy. You expect your hb to be there for a strangers kid, raise it and pay for it. Your hb has every right to expect you to abort this other mans child. How do you explain its parentage to your own daughter. you say you want your family back, then if you do , do the only responsible thing and terminate. By having another mans child while married showes that you have had no respect for your hb and marriage. Instead of blaming only your hb and his son for all your problems why not look closer at home. Starting with you.
You will notice I have not said what you WANT to hear but what you NEED to hear. It is unacceptable that you expect your hb to accept another mans child. It would have been a different story if you had a child prior your marriage but i think you expect too much when you want to him to accept another mans kid while being married. Just my thoughts and if you do not want to terminate that is fine. But do not expect your hb to stick around and have a reminder of your fling.
You say you seperated due to finanical problems yet you want to now burden everyone else with this "unexpected" pregnancy. Selfish i think! whatever money you have rather spend it on your exiting family. i have always said this and will repeat: termination/abortion is not a dirty word. But when you have a kid and cannot feed it properly, clothe it and take care of its basic health and welbeing, then I wonder whether a selfish was made in bringing an innocent life into this world where you just cannot take proper care and cannot provide the stable family unit for it. My thoughts, use it don't use it but please be aware of it.
Good luck with whatever decision you make. But ultimately the choice is easy: either your hb or this other mans unborn child.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 If you want to accept him back ,then he will have to come back on your terms.
Either your terms or don't come back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2010): It's obvious you don't want to go back to him SO DON'T okay?!
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female
reader, Ngyzee  +, writes (13 May 2010):
I absolutely agree with Caringguy, u mus'nt go back to him, what is your gain in that relationship? You take care of him, the bills and his wayward son! Except u want to keep doing that for the rest of ur life. U deserve better, move on with ur life and take care of ur unborn baby. Cheers.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 May 2010):
Don't go back to him. He's asking you to abort a baby and then accept his own son who is out of control. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. He is no longer your problem. You just focus on yourself, your child and your unborn baby. You will really resent him if you abort and then go back to him, only to be treated like a doormat.
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