A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 and part of me is worried I'm still a virgin but the other part i don't care and it's something I am proud of because I have done it out of choice. I don't want to lose it in a one night stand even though theres been several oppotunities. I think I'm having a sort of fling with a friend atm but he doesn't know I am a virgin and that he wants to be "friends with benefits". I want to have something like that because its fun and its the summer but I am lost on what to do I have always wanted to lose it to someone I love.I don't know how to say it to him and he's a lovely guy whos just broken up with his ex and I know he will feel guilty if he pushes it and I then tell him or he will run away because your first time is considered quite a big thing. But I just want to have a laugh whether sex or not but he might just want sex. I know that guys aren't worth it etc if not but I don't know whether to bother telling him or how?
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female
reader, CatherineA  +, writes (11 July 2010):
Don't be worried that you are still a virgin. It isn't a crime, and you don't owe anybody an explanation. Once it's gone, it's gone, and there's no getting it back, so you are justified in being careful. Don't even discuss it with this guy. There's no point. He isn't what you're looking for, so he won't be worth it.BTW, there is no such thing as FWB. One person or the other (or both)is being used. Don't be the user, don't be the one used. It's not worth it.Don't forget: every time a woman considers sex with a man she should ask herself if that guy would be a good father for her child, because it's always a possibility that could happen. If the answer is NO, then move on.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 July 2010):
 I agree 100% with CaringGuy.
He is not interested in a relationship, this is not about feelings or love. It's a wham-bam-thank you ma'am relationship he wants.
I don't think it would be a smart move on your side, to have your first experience with a guy to whom YOU mean nothing but a roll in the hay.
Unless he is some sort of super-sex-ninja..... who can teach you all there is to know....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): You say you are thinking of sleeping with this guy because you're no longer feeling like your virginity is worth being so careful with.
I think it's probably more like the opposite. My guess is that you are thinking your virginity is not worth being so careful with anymore because you want this guy.
Hypothetical questions: If this guy was a virgin and only wanted to date another virgin, what would you be feeling right now? Would you be thrilled that his sex values match yours so perfectly?
And what would you be feeling about him right now if he was saving it for a virgin, but you had already lost it with some other FWB recently? Would you be regretful about your recent other fling?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 July 2010):
If you do it with this guy, to be honest, you'll have wasted your time keeping it. Here's why. You say he's just broken up with his girlfriend. Well, that makes you his rebound. He's just after sex, and just after using you. You know you want to lose it to a man you love, and you know that the only real way to do that is to lose it to a man who loves you, not just uses as you as a FWB. So think about whether you even want to do this, because I think you might be hurt if you do.
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