A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 8 years now, we have a house and a dog, he is ready for kids i am not. We argued about this early this year and in the end to keep him i agreed to start trying after our holiday in september.(yes he didi give an Ultimatum) I'm still not ready, I try and talk to him but he says that we are old enough now and makes me feel like i am weird for not being ready. I feel guilty because i agreed but he did no i only did that to keep him happy. What should i do? I love him lots but feel like this will ruin my life as in my eyes i am young(25) and there is still lots to do. Leaving him would be bery hard as i still love him and i am very attached to our dog. Please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 September 2008):
I'm 25 and the idea of pregnancy and childbirth TERRIFIES me, let alone looking after the wellbeing of a child's whole life!
For him to give you an ultimatum was very wrong. If you were in your late 40's and the biological clock was ticking then yes, but at 25 there is no need.
Do you know anyone who you could babysit for? Or send him round to stay the night and be up at 3am to help with the feeds?
I know you love him (and the dog!) but I think you have to stand up for yourself and tell him you DO NOT WANT a child. Even if you risk losing him. If he willing to leave you over this then he might easily leave you in 5 years time and leave you having to pay for school clothes and bring up a kids you didn't want.
Why not set him an ultimatum? He has to save up 10 grand for the wedding of your dreams and then get a mortgage before you will get pregnant. Tell him you will not have a child without a rock on your finger and a house to live in. It should take him till Christmas to save up for the engagement ring. If he can't cut down on all his luxuries enough to put together some savings then he can't afford a baby.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Hey I agree with the others on this!!! If you are not ready for motherhood then wait until you 110% ready and don't give into his emotional blackmail either.
Relationships should be built on compromise and not just do things to please each him. I would turn round and say " Once I have that ring on my finger, then I will think about starting a family".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2008): Tell him the truth.Whether he would've been happy or not,you
should have told him that you didn't want a baby.You need to
tell him NOW!The longer you wait,the more you are holding
back and making it harder on yourself.If he gave you an
ultimatum,then he's selfish and not worth your time.If he
truly loved you,then he would wait forever until you were
ready.Talk to him about this again.Tell him to listen and
not say anything until you are finished and tell him how you
feel.Tell him that if he truly loved you,then he would wait
no matter how long,until you were ready.I hope I helped in
some way.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 Hi,
the first mistake you made was agreeing to his demands without wanting to. But you cant change what you did in the past only make him understand that you felt under pressure to succumb to his demands. You need to make him understand that you still want to experience more in this life before you committ yourself to raising a family.
If he can't understand this and respect your decision then you may have a problem. A marriage is a partnership of equals, yours sounds like he is calling the shots.
Giving you an ultimatum is a cowardly act in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (1 September 2008):
 He gave you an ultimatum? As in - We either start trying for a baby or I'm off?
What kind of man is this? You're still young and there's plenty of time to start having kids. He shouldn't be forcing you into having children when you're not ready.
I know you don't want to leave him, hun. But I'd seriously consider whether you want to be with someone who's trying to force you to have kids and what makes it worse, uses the ultimatum as blackmail.. I mean, are you sure this is who you're meant to be with - you both want something completely different and he's not listening to your side of the story.
Please don't allow yourself to be forced to have children when you're not ready. The only reason you promised him that you'd try was because you were forced. Don't let him walk all over you. It's your body that will change and it's something that you have to carry for 9 months. He needs to accept that you're just not ready or else, if I were you, I'd leave him if he kept trying ti impose it on you.
I hope it all works out for you, sweet.
xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty Em +, writes (1 September 2008):
 If you felt you were not ready, why did you agree to try in the future? You will have only got his hopes up.
You know yourself you are not ready, and are right when you say at 25 there is still a lot more to experience. Your partner should understand that and be willing to wait for you.
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