A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bloke for 3 years. for the last two he has developed a habit of visiting chat rooms and dating sites. we broke up time and time again. i get denial,aggressive behaviour,or blame. he says things like how do i know you dont go on them? i`ll just have to take your word for it.accuses me of hiding things in my phone but wont look when i tell him to. he has been suspicious of me from day 1.it has gone around in circles. i go,he comes to make up,he does it again. he is lovely in every other way but disregards my feelings with this. i have nothing to show that he meets anyone but he does get texts and calls them friends. i am baffled to know why they are the opposite sex and he knows how i feel yet swears undying love for me. when we argue,i am told how we connect and neither of us will find better. why is he doing it. we are not kids. he would get very suspicious if i did it.what shall i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Anonymous female answerer with issues. I dont know you,your opinions are that of someone caught and in denial. Touchy,Turns aggresive and has a list of excuses. It doesnt need a diploma to see it. So you would allow your partner to get gratification and wouldnt check it out because that would make you insecure and paraoid? You was constantly accused but went in them as he wasnt spending enough time with you? I wonder why? So if this turns around that will be your fault then? You have an arrogant,unreasonable attitude. You stick your two fingers up at people who are affected and hurt. Mark my words its going to backfire girl. I wish you well. Then again do i?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): if you know youre other half is in dating and chat,txting etc,it could be only for one thing. he`s not prepared to stop so leave permanently next time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): you say he swears undying love for you,yet you dont once say that you love him just that he knows how you feel,yes how you feel about chat room/sites not what you feel in your heart tell him it may just help
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): there is a lesson to be learned. if you cant talk to you partner,you could try to explain your point of view. if nothing changes then get out of the relationship. cheating on dating sites will cause further problems and push them further away. you will get dumped in the end. Blaming and making excuses isnt good enough. chat cheats are quite happy to keep it from their parners. when caught they then try to make their partner responsible i believe that these people are crying crocodile tears when caught,they happily carry on cheating again and again.if someone gets caught more than once and still does it,get out before they blame you for everything else too. poster of this problem there are other people guilty of cheating. get rid of your chatroom cheat because you see the paranoia and contradictions of these unbalanced mixed up people who cheat in chatrooms. put them all on an island together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): I would personaly show anyone who thinks going in chatrooms thinking they are clever and not get caught to read this page.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): female anon. this isnt about you. i suspected you was into chat. if you dont want a partner to withdraw from you,behave like your in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): You only have something to hide if your doing wrong. I dont think your relationship will survive and i am never going to agree that dating sites and parnerships go together. If i suspected this of my partner,i myself would check computer history. I suspect female anonymous herself would aswell.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): i am a male been married for 14 years and love my wife terribly,yet i am guilty of going to sites that would truly upset my wife yet i am innocent as i go there for curiosity nothing more after all i am male,and we have all looked at porn books etc over the years,dont be to hesitant she also may be just as curious have you asked her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): I would`nt take notice of anonymous females remarks. Unhelpful,uneducated and defensive. As if she is writing on behalf of herself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Female anonymous,you are confused? He goes online dating whilst in a relationship. He at the same time doesnt trust her. Read carefully,because its written in simple terms. What you do is your choice but i sense somewhere you know the person who this is about, or you are paranoid about something.If this relationship is your taste,ok,but most people in a loving relationship would object.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): hi i once had a partner like this who constantly accused me of going on these sites as i had in the past not for sex or anything but just to chat as he barely had the time to talk to me and why because he was at home on his computer spending hours and hours on it instead of being with me,i was just passing time whilst i waited for him to arrive,yes it caused rows we even split up and i admitted i had been to thee sites but i never met anyone ever as it wasnt about meeting anyone.since we split up i never went to these sites as it was a novelty thats worn off and since getting back together i promised not only myself but him also that i would not go back and i havent,i got no interest in these sites,but he has made it extremely hard for me to forget what i did sending emails to me in his false name,why the false name may i ask,i have spent months reassuring him how much i love him in every way possible yet he aint never reassured me that he even loves me and now if being on his computer for hours aint enough he`s got mobile web and judging by the expressions on his face it aint writing he`s looking at and im no fool,it takes two people to make a relationship work and i was the only one putting any effort in and then he had the cheek to tell me not to turn up at his home without telling him first that blew me away and made me wonder why after 5yrs an then dumped me,now who is hiding things
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Female anonymous. Are we to presume youre being somewhat defensive here? You may be happy to believe secrecy is the way to live,but you are probably i assume single. If secrecy is the key to your life then ok.Something has got your back up.Do you know the source of the writers discovery?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): i am very confused here,how do you know they visit chat rooms,seems you may have been checking the history and for what reason would you do that,you obviously have insecurities and maybe a little paranoia
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Individuals who suffer from an addiction to chat rooms, IM, or social networking sites become over-involved in online relationships or may engage in virtual adultery. Online friends quickly become more important to the individual often at the expense of real life relationships with family and friends. In many instances, this will lead to marital discord and family instability.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): Rogerramjet,it seems that the dating sites are the cause of the problem and uncertainty, not the cure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): He's not worth your time. He cant value your relationship and is arrogant. There comes a time to get rid. He's a pig headed jerk and has pushed his luck. He knows exactly what he is doing.
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A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (14 July 2009):
Okay, playing a bit of Devil's Advocate here:I am someone who i have to admit that when i'm in a relationship, i sometimes tend to find my way onto a dating website and look around a bit...I find i do this when i'm at a point in the relationship where there is strain or uncertainty...For instance: I was dating a girl.. We got along GREAT...Then she came at me with an ultimatum of "I'm moving 3 hours away to go to school. If you don't come, we're through." For whatever reason, i found going to dating websites kind of relaxed me. I'm not sure if it was just the affirmation that, should things go wrong, i had alternatives? I never had any intention of following through on MEETING another girl unless things broke off with my partner.Maybe the fact that your relationship sounds like it's so on and off/hot and cold is affecting him somehow?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): I have lived this. its so similar its uncanny. I dont know wot his motive is but one things for sure,if someone puts that before your relationship then are they worth holding onto? If he promises not to do it again then watch for him switching his profile to an identity thats different from his. I would never advise you to break up but you may find yourself going off him physicaly and mentaly in the end anyway. Do not feel guilty or accept any blame for his actions. it would be a funny world if we all did this everytime we felt we hadnt been listened to. he has done it by choice.how much he loves u only he knows,but he certainly has no respect. look round the internet because some believe its an addiction.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): What shall you do? First thing is tell him if you ever get the slightest hint that he`s been there again that you will leave him for good,and that means forever. He has no respect for you and is taking the piss. You will find better,believe me. This is unreasonable behavior. What do you think they talk about? politics? football?
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