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female
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anonymous
writes: ive had alot of problems with my b/f looking at porn . i have talked to him about it and he said he didnt know it bothered me so much and said he would quit but recently i found websites again that hes visited on the computer that he sliped up and didnt delete which proves he hasnt stopped. I have tried everything i know to do to keep him happy in bed as well as out and even suggested that we try to watch a movie together but he didnt seem intrested and nothing seems to work. He says hes happy with me but his actions speak louder than words.our schedules clash due to work so we dont get to see each other much and when he does have time to spend with me he sits on the computer all night and ignores me until he wants to have sex. Should i just keep quiet about it and let him look at the porn? i dont guess its cheating although it feels/hurts like it is.i am at a loss and i dont know wether to call it quits or stick in there for our baby. i get so depressed and angry and I feel like i am doing something wrong. am i?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): I AM SO SAD TO READ YET ANOTHER WOMAN IS SUFFERING BECAUSE THE MAN SHE LOVES IS A PORN ADDICT. I AGREE WITH THE REPLY BELOW MINE. THE POOR WOMAN HAS SUFFERED LIKE I AM SUFFERING NOW. YOU DESERVE A LOT MORE THAN YOUR BOYFRIEND IS WILLING TO GIVE YOU. IT IS WRONG TO DO THIS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND IF YOUR BOYFRIEND CAN'T STOP BECAUSE IT HURTS YOU SO MUCH PLEASE BE STRONG ENOUGH TO MOVE ON. YOU DESERVE A BETTER LIFE. MR RUM - YOU ARE A WEAK PATHETIC MAN. A WOMAN IS ONLY HUMAN AFTER ALL!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2006): It is cheating and he will not stop unless he gets help. He is a sex addict and I bet he masterbates while he watches it. It has nothing to do with you, no matter what you do he will keep doing it. He needs to get into therapy because it will only get worse. Trust me I know what I am talking about. Had known what I know now before I got married I would had never gotten married. The heartbreak is not worth it. It will start with porn and one day move on from there. Go online and do a search, what ever you do don't watch movies or offer to with him. There are many books out there. Think twice before you get to far in this relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmr. rum if you say that men look at porn for a reason then it is my fault because i am giving him a reason to do it?i am not unattractive and i have a high sex drive also and do everything that i can to keep him happy and his fantisies fulfilled but if a man doesnt make these things known to his partner then how are we suposed to know what he is looking for. looking at porn is not actually cheating with someone but it is cheating because when men look at porn then they are taking away intamacy and their sexulaty from the woman who deserves it and that is very selfish. i think that if you feel you need to look at porn to satisfy your sexual desires then you need to either find someone else who fills your needs, or someone who doesnt care what you do, and dont hurt the one you are suposed to care about and make them feel like they are inadaquite as a woman. Thank you all for your answers and support, now i know what i have to do
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A
male
reader, Mr Rum +, writes (14 January 2006):
There's a male view and a female view. Fact is that men look at porn for a reason...they are driven by sex to a far larger extent than women are. Secondly, sex is an outlet for life's frustrations, just as drink, sport, money, clothes, food and violence are. So if a man chooses to view porn I don't see it's bad in itself...in fact it's quite healthy. After all, it's only pictures of people and they might fire his imagination. If however, his indulgence becomes obsessive or his expectations of sex become far greater than can be achieved in his relationhsip, then problems loom. From my own experience I have found the followimg. When I was single, pornography was an intemittent hobby. When I was very frustrated, dpressed and unhappy in a long term relationship (my marriage) it became obsessive. Now, in love and truly close, intimate and satisfied in a new relationship, it doesn't feature at all. I understand the agressive and strong reactions of most women, but I think they have to ask themselves a question... is it possible that they are part of the cause of a man resorting to pornography. A little understanding please...a man's only human
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female
reader, *deadrainbowpixie* +, writes (12 January 2006):
 I have an idea for you. It's something I'd do, because my boyfriend and I enjoy looking at porn together, it gives us ideas of new things to try with eachother... Make an agreement with your boyfriend, that he's allowed to view porn ONCE a week, as long as YOU are allowed to look with him! It'll give you a chance to see the kind of things he likes - and ask him what he likes about certain things, it'll help him to open up - suggest trying the positions or things the people in the porn are doing (only ones you're keen on, though)... Have a bit of fun, if you're both doing it and find things you like from it, then there's nothing bad about it. And remember to tell him the things you really dont like, but try to be open! And no, you're not doing anything wrong at all! I can understand why you feel angry, because he's excluding you! He should want to share things with you, and make you feel important.... And also, because he has to agree only to look at porn ONE day a week with you, the rest of the days he has to spend time WITH you and your baby! :) I hope things work out for both of you! Good luck xoxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): Dear, you need to set some clear, tough boundries here. I live by the credo "You can't get stepped on if you aren't laying down". You have a voice, so use it-clearly, concisely and firmly. For any committed relationship to work, it take two. One person can't do it alone. He is half of this relationship and he's doing something, that is making you feel horridly under-valued. People in healthy, loving relationships don't do this to each other. Make him accountable for his role, in causing you pain. I recommend sitting him down and talking to him about what porn is doing to this marriage and what is being lost. Pornography is insidious. It merely teaches people to consider sexual release to be the ultimate goal for lovemaking. The primary reason for lovemaking in the marriage bed, is to bond the relationship by close emotional and physical intimacy. He using you as a sperm depository, after viewing naked porn stars all night. Frankly, I think that's degrading to the woman he should respect...you.
It's time to for both of you to remove pornography from your home and he needs to learn to focus on you and his child. It will take time and if you can't do it alone, both you and he may need third party intervention such as marriage counselling. Good luck dear and remember to be strong. Take Care
Hugs, Irish
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): Don't beat yourself up over this.You are not to blame at all for his actions. I don't blame you for feeling so depressed and angry and you really have every right to be.Could it be that he is addictted to the net and porn? I guess the statistics are staggering for this problem.I think its time that you take a "stand" in the relationship. By this I mean you need to tell him he needs to shape up or ship out!He is being totally selfish and not considering your feelings what-so-ever!I know its not easy as you two have a child together and it seems to me like you are doing all the work to try and make it work. This in itself must be emotionally exhausting.Get tough with him and Lay it on the Line!Good Luck hun!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2006): Keep tellling him about how hurt you are, and tell him you know his still looking at it, tell him that you feel its effectin the relationship and it needs to stop because you having doubts, if he doesnt stop after that then you know he doesnt really respect your feelings and you should probably find yourself someone that deserves you.
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female
reader, Celeste  +, writes (12 January 2006):
 Your not doing anything wrong. If this is negatively affecting your confidence in your relationship, then he should show some concern about it. If you feel this relationship is worth saving (and you have a child together, so it most likely is), then sit him down, make him listen, tell him that you are making an effort for your relationship, and that he should aswell.. If nothing changes, then leave. It's obvious that you are unhappy, and that shouldn't be in a healthy relationship.
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