A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 mos. Early in the relationship I told him some trust issues I had and what effected my trust in a relationship. One was "baggage" brought into the new relationship. Issues with old lovers/gf's that they still talk and keep in touch - secretly. Well, the other day I used his phone and saw that he had been calling his former gf and she had also been calling him. He never told me so it broke some trust for me and I ended it. He views it as insecure and jealous and said he didnt' tell me becuse he knew i'd get upset. I view it as sneaky and dishonest given that I told him early on how that would effect me. He said it was just over an item she was giving him for his new house but the calls went on for a week.
View related questions:
insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2007): I think telling him that you don't appreciate those who would lie, conceal, omit details of remaining in contact with an Ex and how you don't approve of it or expect it in a healthy, honest, loving relationship was fair to say in that you laid out what you are willing to tolerate and expect from the one you love and are with.
He choose to cross this line and that he was aware it would upset you and went ahead and did it anyways...clearly demonstrates he is not very reliable.
I say if you do want to work this out with him, he needs to promise to respect your wishes and not do this again and then keep this promise or he needs to tell you he won't live with that expectation and you both go your separate ways.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (4 March 2007):
 You say the other day you used his phone, presumably to phone or text; I`m not aware of any phone that shows numbers dialled & recieved without being searched. Like the "Eavesdropper who never hears anything good about him", you have found something through looking that you do not like. It`s quite possible that he was telling the truth; maybe there were in fact a few items (did he want them/can he pick them up/need to know what time to pick up as I`m going out etc). And, as he knows you have trust issues (and may peep at his phone records), Is it likely that he`d leave the numbers on there for you to perhaps find if he was "up to no good" ?? Neither of us know for sure if he was thinking of cheating on you; but it`s a shame you ended it with him without proof. Sometimes when we love someone, we have to give them the benefit of the doubt, and when we love & trust someone, we very rarely doubt. Unless you want this pattern to continue in your future relationships, I really suggest you seek some counciling for your trust issues, (which I`m sure are well founded), and perhaps a confidence boosting course? Your local library will have details on lots of courses, including these. Please let us know how you get on, Kind Regards, Heather.
...............................
A
female
reader, Farris  +, writes (4 March 2007):
 How would you have felt if he'd told you straight out? I'm quite certain that you'd have been every bit as jealous, insecure and upset.
You need to talk this out between you... If you don't feel you can trust him, then you shouldn't be with him, but you should at least consider why he made these actions, because he tells you that he kept it from you as he KNEW it would upset you.
You should make it clear to him that honesty is very important to you, and that you can work through this baggage, but you're going to need him to be supportive.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (4 March 2007):
 NO NO NO,he is being sneeky. Trust your own mind and dont take any crap off him. I would be more angry if I found out if my husband was calling an ex behind my back,if what he is saying is true why be sneeky about it???????
I know its easier said than done but forget him, he has propberly got something to hide and is trying to turn it on you. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (4 March 2007):
 I think you need to have a good chat and get every thing in the open. Tell him that you want to trust him but as you said befor you have issues with trust. If still tells you that it is honastly just friendship then belive him. Maby you need to put more faith in him.
Hope this helps xxx
...............................
|
