A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Agonies. Let me get straight to it..I seem to can't let go and move on from my bf, no matter what he ever did or said to me, whom has cheated on me 5x's, he's very disrespectful, he wants to act like a stray dog and do what he wants to do. We're always arguing and fighting. He rarely communicates with me on a daily. I admit that i have an attitude and assume stuff from time to time but i have my reasons. The other day, we had a fist fight bc he said something to me that he never said and it hurt me so bad, I just snapped. He said if he could he would be with them other girls than me bc I'm stupid, dumb, and crazy! But he continues to disrespect me verbally and on these social networks with other girls. I don't trust him whatsoever but I really love him and still want to be with him. I feel like something is just wrong with me bc I continue to allow this and taking him back. I'm lost, hurt, confused, used! I don't understand why ! I need some strong, real advice! Please!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
 YOU can’t let go of this man. You say you love him and want to be with him….
Write yourself two lists on one sheet of paper divided down the middle
On the left column you put all the reasons you love him…
On the right column you put all the reasons you want to leave
Which list is longer?
are the things on the leave him list things you can deal with without making him feel guilty?
What about this man do you love?
his lies?
his disrespect?
his fighting with you?
his cheating?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 The only phrase that makes any sense in your submittal is this one: "..The other day, we had a fist fight..."
ANY "MAN" who raises his fist to a woman (his "girlfriend???") is a DOG.... a BAD DOG... and is NOT WORTH ONE IOTA of your time, attention or concern...
Get away from him. KEEP away from him.... (and) never look back at this excrement who is a SORRY EXCUSE for a "man"!!!!!!
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Grow some balls n get rid of him. Best advice youll get right here from me all day.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 It sounds like this is an unhealthy relationship for both of you. You need to take a step back and ask yourself if this situation is really a good one for you. Sometimes what happens is that we are not in love with someone, but we get addicted to them, their behavior, and how they treat us.
If he has cheated on you, and you don't trust him, there is no reason to stay with this guy. Honestly, I do not think you can love someone you don't trust. I think trust has to come first. If you keep taking him back it's because you're addicted to the relationship in some way.
In order to get back on the right track, you need to stay away from him and start living your life for YOU again.
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Did you lose your virginity to this guy, because aometimes girls go looney over the dude who popped our cherry.
This man does not remotely like you even a little bit. He dislikes you intenseley. The reason you allow this is because you dislike yorself intensely too.
That, and he has not hurt you enough. Don't get me wrong, I think what he has done has hurt you very deeply (heck, it hurts me to think about it) but he has not hurt you to breaking point, to the point where you can no longer stand it, to your dignity thresh hold.
When he does, this man is in for crap. I think you will surprise him, and yourself, by what you do.
I think however, you can save a lot of drama if you erase his number from your phone, give it to a friend who loves you enough to beat the crap out of you if you try to make contact.
Dress up sexy, go out, flirt with some guys just long enough to get a dance, but not long enough to kiss them or anything. Just long enough to show yourself that you are desirable and you deserve more than a pig face guy.
And while you are looking super sexy every day, ignore the living CRAP out of whatshisname.
I know he is a weakness for you, but you are stronger than you think, the only reason he can do this stuff to you is because (excuse the pop psycology) you want him to. The only way out is through- through the discomfort, and longing and withdrawal system of getting rid of the toxic drug that is him.
I hope I have helped love.
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A
female
reader, KlassyKirsty +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Hello there :)
I understand that when u r genuinely in love with someone regardless of their flaws, u get emotionally attached to them. My theory is if u dont let go of the wrong person, it minimizes ur chances of meeting the right one.
He has crossed that very thin boundary by cheating on u 5 TIMES!!! you are acting like a doormat and he is treating u like one wiping his feet all over u and i think u keep giving him the benefit of the doubt because ur assuming (which u mentioned is incentive of ur nature) that he WILL change and come to his senses. Reality is, he wont and he has proved that, please, for the sake of ur own sanity, dump that loser so u can find someone whos a million times better than him, and will trigger inner feelings of happiness, fulfillment, not someone who is clearly detrimental to ur health by making u feel bitter, and is making disparaging comments.
u deserve so much better, this relationship is not healthy,try a little self evaluation, it is making u feel degraded and worthless.
and hes calling u deranged and crazy???! uhh tell him to look at himself in the bloody mirror, and u work on restoring ur self confidence, only u have the power to not be gullible to fall for his stupid tricks and deceit.
Dont b another notch on his belt and good luck, breaking up with him is taking the 1st step and i know u can do it :) xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2012): Trust me, I've been in your position, and my strongest advice is to LEAVE HIM.
About five years ago I was in a relationship with a really awful guy. He put me down, he abused me financially, verbally, physically and sexually, and he made me believe that I deserved it. In fact, he has had such a bad impact on me that I tried to kill myself last year, because he was still in my head even two years after breaking up with him, and I was still convinced that I was worthless and deserved the abuse.
Well, let me tell you now, that NOBODY deserves that. Not me, not you, not anybody. I thought I loved my boyfriend at the time, but in reality I was just afraid of being alone. I suspect the same may be true for you.
Take a deep breath, and take the plunge. At the time, a break up always seems like hell on earth and you feel like you'll never get over it. But sooner or later, you'll come to realise how much better off you are without him. Cut all ties with him, before he hurts you permanently.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Just Gill  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 You need to figure out hunni what you really want. No person deserves to be treated that way, so why you stopping yourself? Are you scare of moving on and not finding someone else? If thats the case you will! someone better will come along next time. If you want HIM, then you need to just talk to him as an adult and explain to him in tearms that he will understand you. You know him best so you can do it. If you are wanting a boyfriend, some companionship that is, you need to gain confidence. The only way to do that is take action!
If your serious in making your relationship work you MUST talk to him. Tell him why you react the way you do and why you jump to conclusions. After all he did cheat, find out why he did? get your answers first then make your decision. If he doesnt respect you know and he's not willing to change, you know the answer to your own question hun.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 You just need to learn to love yourself more, more than you love your boyfriend.
There is nothing wrong with you but you depended your happiness with him. You know he is not good enough and you know your life is in misery with him, and yet YOU STAYED hoping he'd change. He will not change. As you can see, he is very abusive and more so disrespectful. And you have mentioned, you do not trust this person and then you love him? You make assumptions because you are not secure in your relationship and never you will feel this security because he was never really good with you.
Something is not right here, isn't it? I know the feelings because I was into a relationship where I felt I was used and deceived for 6 yrs. I stayed because I was needy, looking for love and affection and hoping he would change but he did not...I was devastated but I healed fast because I always have in my mind...OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS STRENUOUS and I DO NOT WANT TO STEP INTO THOSE FEELINGS AGAIN.
You can do this too. Think of yourself more, make yourself a priority in your life and do not again let anyone take advantage of you nor treat you less. YOU DESERVE BETTER and LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. IF you want a good relationship with a man, love yourself first and him second.
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