A
female
age
36-40,
*anil1
writes:Hi I hope you dont mind me writing to you found your site on google and think you may be able to help and any advice is welcome.Thing is I met a bloke ten weeks ago and have found myself falling for him already and much to my delight he told me he loves me two weeks ago and obviously i sed it back. although i do know he loves me theres one thing he does thats really starting to get to me.Every now and then he turns very cold in text messages telling me he only wants me for sex or that he could never be with me properly because im just not his type. He even calls me names and implies that im seeing other men. I have never cheated and would never do that and havent given him any reason to think these things of me.He also says that hes not good enough and that he would only and up hurting me which i also know is not true. Im aware hes been hurt and cheated on in the past but who hasnt. every few days hes like this and it really hurts but he makes me the happiest ive ever been when we are together and always says sorry for him says stupid things and that he doesnt mean it and loves me, he also thanks me for not giving up on us and i dont intend to. we love eachother.Is it normal for him to act like this? is it something i have done to make him feel this way? or is there something you think i can do to make him feel more at ease?Any advice would be very welcomeRegards Dani
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): im the guy she on about and im afraid its not that straight forward.
she been round the block too many times not my type soz babe xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): thing is are you telling the full story very rare people do.
im sure you have give him a reason to think this so its maybe too late and time to move on.
it will only get worse in future
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): My only advice is this: whenever a man says something like "he's not good enough" for you and that "he'll would only end up hurting you"... believe him.
I made the mistake of not believing my ex when told me that... and that relationship cost me thousands of dollars of bills he ran up on credit cards, dealing with him impregnating two other women while he was with me and a whole lot of my self esteem.
Come to think of it, we jumped really fast into the "I love you's" as well.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Hi, glad you found dearcupid! I'm happy for you that you have found love, I'm just a little concerned that things seem to be moving awfully quickly here. You haven't really known each other that long, and are already in deep. It does take some time to get to know a person really well, and it helps to be objective as you can about it, even though all your emotions and passions are all on fire.
The Jekyll and Hyde aspect of him is definitely a worry. Does he only do this over texts or is he like this face-to-face? Has he been drinking or is he high when he acts like this? The thing that has me a bit worried is the volatility of his emotions on this score, one second he's deeply in love with you, the next he's convinced you're going to cheat on him. It's a bit extreme, and should be cause for you to back off on the relationship just a bit, and let things settle down so you can look calmly and objectively at where you are.
The issues that he seems to have are not your fault, and I sincerely doubt that you can 'fix' them. He might need some counselling, as Danielle suggests, but I expect telling him this would be very difficult.
If I were you, I'd back off just a bit, give yourself a bit of breathing space and thinking time. It may be nothing, it may be something, but you need to be clear-headed about this. Stay loving and understanding, of course, but do take care of yourself.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, jordrodg +, writes (15 April 2008):
From a guys point of view i would have to say i think this guy really likes you. perhaps he scared himself when he said he loved you and then instantly felt the need to stick some barriers up by turning cold with you. hes obviously very scared of getting hurt and seems to associate intimacy with pain and to him falling in love may seem to lead to inevitable hurt. if you do believe what he says to you when he is being loving and you feel the same then you should definitely put some work in. the content of some of them texts is very cold though and potentially hurtful. if this is a trait of his and not just a defense mechanism you should be wary. its one thing to be prepared to suffer and labour for someone if things can change and work but its another to be the victim of someones insecurities.
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A
female
reader, kizzy +, writes (15 April 2008):
 well i think he is just playing, teasing you just so you can get mad. i really wouldnt pay any attention to him at all when he already loves you. but dont worry about it he's probly just saying stuff like that just so he can test you on your reaction.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx +, writes (15 April 2008):
 I think this guy need to see someone and talk about his problems it looks to me like hes scared of commiting in a relation ship he's scared of hurting you. The things he has said to you though are out of order and i would talk to him and tell him he has a problem and it needs dealing with, the guy has issues.
Good luck.
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