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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been on and off with my ex boyfriend for the past 5 years now, 1 1/2 of which we were seriously involved, but now things have completely ended. I am very hurt and devastated and need lots of advice on how I can move on and let him go already but it's hard.We first met in high school and started a relationship. He was my first boyfriend and love and I cared for him very much. He did a lot for me and was always there when I needed him, but our relationship wasn't perfect. I wasn't very supportive, I always felt the need to chose between him and my family, our personalities would clash sometimes and I wasn't giving him sex, because I just wasn't ready. Needless to say when he went away to college he cheated on me, fell in "love" with another girl and had a kid with her. I was devastated and it took so much for me to try to get over him.During our college years, he slowly started to ease his way back in my life, often apologizing and saying he missed me and trying to see each other during free time (although, he was still involved with the other girl). After time, I gave in as I still had strong feelings for him and believed the breakup was partially my fault too and we soon became "friends with benefits." He and the other girl stopped talking as he felt she was "crazy" and our casual friendship started to turn into more. We started talking all the time, spending more time together, and going out and I completely became attached again, but he made it clear he didn't want a relationship with me just yet.I didn't completely like that idea but I settled. (Bad, i know). Well things started to go wrong for him in so many ways and I was helping him out with any and everything he needed (money, clothes, shoes, food, a ride, etc), but because we weren't in a relationship he was free to talk to other girls, which bothered me because of all that I had been doing for him. It got to a point where we weren't intimate, didn't spend any time together, he would ignore my calls and I would only see him when he needed something, but every time i told him how i felt he would call me crazy and say I was pushing him away (he felt that I couldn't chill, pressed him too much, made assumptions, and was paranoid). And although I did do a lot of those things it was only because of the way that he treated me (ignoring me, not spending any time) and the things that I would see (like that he WAS and still IS "in a relationship" and involved with this other girl), but he kept saying that it was MY actions that made him do those things. Well it got to the point where we would be on and off every other week, but then as soon as he needed something he would want to work out our issues and tell me how I am the "best girlfriend and friend". Well recently, he told me about how he needed money to pay rent for his apartment and under the assumption that we were working things out I gave it to him, although I don't have a job and really needed to keep that money. He promised me to buy me books and to make my birthday (which just passed) "very special." Well after I gave him the money his behavior changed and I all I got for my birthday was a text message, even though I voiced my opinion to him on how it would mean a lot to me to see him.By this point I was furious and I let my emotions control my actions (which I frequently did) and I told him how unhappy I was. He of course placed the blame on me, told me he didn't want anything to do with me and that I needed "help." Now I'm feeling hurt, confused, upset, bitter, etc. and like maybe things were my fault and that if I had just be calm we would be together. Its hard to not blame myself for the end of this when HE constantly BLAMES ME. I'm so angry and upset that he could never see things from my view and that after 5 years of being emotionally attached this is how it ends. Now my question is, How can I let him go and get over him already, stop placing all the blame on myself and stop feeling so bitter about all that I did do for him??Please help me out, I feel so ALONE right now, and there's really no one I can talk about this with!
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cheated on me, money, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 September 2009):
The best thing for you to do is get out and about. Keep busy, don't sit around! There are other guys out there who won't break your heart. Try going to the gym or dance classes or anything that will just keep you from thinking of him but keep around other people. When you start socializong and such, you'll find there are other guys who will be interested and they'll have more respect for you. Find a nice guy. Lots of luck.
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