The thought of losing him makes me shudder. What should I do?

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

When i was younger there was a boy i was always close to, we grew up together and was always best mates, we went out when i was like 10 (he was 4yrs older) but our parents stopped us. A few yrs later when i was 14 we went out again, but it was hard to keep it from our families, so we decided to wait until i was 16. A few months later i found out he slept with my sister and she was pregnant, i was broken hearted, this was what he always did tryin to play me and my sister againest eachother so we cut him out of our lives and stuck together, i still loved him though but my sister meant more. exatly a year after we broke up he died in a motorbike accident, i've always felt like it was my fault, like i was a jinx or something. I really miss him and still love him, i've never moved on since or been interested in anyone else, until two years ago when i met this guy. We got really close and then i thought he was going to ask me out, i got really scared as its been 4 yrs and i thought his mum wud hate me (as i know his mum really well and she has been away for a while plus he had a gf b4 she left but they broke up. I also got the feeling it was his first girlfriend although his in his early 20's) i wanted to go out with him but i felt worried as its been so long. after a while we started to get close again and was planning on spending alot more time together, then suddenly his girlfriend was back and within a month they where married, we drifted apart and whenever i brought my mate along (who's a guy) he would then, the next day dress like him and try and act like us with his wife. He started to go away to work for a week or two at a time and then a guy started to stay over with his wife and claimed that he is his brother, but i've met his brother (the one that he says he is) before and his deffiantly not him but his completly aware that this is happening and doesn't seem to care, infact you would never guess that there married, you would of thought that the other guy is her husband! But when i see him and he comes over, i've never felt so happy, he makes me smile and he completly changes and he seems to have a laugh and seems the happiest i've seen him. Don't get me wrong, we're really not the type from a jackie collins thing, i'm pretty sure he wouldn't cheat and i no i deffiantly wouldn't be anything other then mates while his married, whether its a happy marriage or not, its still a marriage. But he wanted me to email him when he had to go back to work so he could email back, so i did and i haven't heard from him since, i think somethings happend and i really miss seeing him, a day feels like a year and its been nearly 5 weeks! What do you thinks going on? I don't want to loose him like i did robert. I really haven't gone into this lightly, its just the thought of losing him makes me shudder. His just so sweet and always been there for me. what should i do?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 September 2009):

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