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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating a guy for a year and a half now and I am ready to lose my virginity to him (I have been waiting for the right guy to come along, and he's the one). The problem is that he made a promise to himself that he would never take a girl's virginity again because of how badly he hurt someone when he was younger. I've explained to him that I would never be angry with him if it didn't work out between us and that all I need to know is that I love him and would be having an intimate relationship with the man I loved. He told me that he would be ready by the time I was (x) years old which would be in 2 and a half years from now. But does he really need to be in this relationship for 4 years before we ever have sex? I love him and I want to stay with him, but I really wish that he would change his mind. What should I do to convince him or reassure him? If I get this figured out before 2 years pass, I will be happy... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Nella +, writes (18 December 2006):
It sounds like he could really do with talking through how he views his treatment of the girl he had sex with when he was younger. If he doesn't feel able to talk this through with you then maybe seeing a counsellor may help as I think there may be more to this 'promise to himself' to explore before he can move on. He does need to forgive himself and reach some peace here and potentially you could be part of his healing. Try not to view this as 'giving' or 'taking' virginity but more about feeling ready to make love with each other. I would suggest you go to bed a lot and have experiences of non penetrative lovemaking which can build up confidence and physical intimacey gradually - this may be the way forward for you both - good luck.
A
male
reader, TheHelpfulMale +, writes (18 December 2006):
Well, I don’t know how much help I will be but I thought I would offer my advice. I’m also in a similar situation with my gf. We have been dating for about a year now and due to a past relationship she is also very reluctant about starting an intimate relationship. I think the best way for you to approach this is to start things very slow. Talk to him about what happened with the other girl. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as he’s making it out to be. If he’s still reluctant then maybe you should try taking small steps toward sex. I’m sure if you start off with maybe non-devirginizing (not a word but you know what I mean) sex then he’ll be more comfortable. Try mutual masturbation or oral, if nothing else this will get some of the sexual frustration out of you if he still feels he’s not ready. My best wishes to the both of you.
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