A
female
age
36-40,
*hmshn
writes:I had asked a question previously about a situation between my good friend and I. This may be long so bare with me, but I really am confused about this situation and would appreciate any input!Basically the sum of it is, we had been friends since high school but he is 2 years younger than me. He always had a thing for me and I for him but the age difference was too big of a deal for me back then. We lost contact except for the occasional phone conversation for about 2 years.Now we're back in contact and we started to hang out again. He told me he still liked me, and we have been hanging out almost every day. We kissed and it was BLISS.. I have never felt like that when kissing someone before. In fact, I have never felt this way about anyone before. When he holds me it just feels soooo right, and he does everything I've ever wanted a guy to do without me having to even ask or mention it. It just comes naturally.We did have sex a few times too, and we also went to dinner last night and he paid for me. He holds my hand, spoons with me :) , and he has told me multiple times that he still likes me, and, in his own words, he said he likes me A LOTTTT.He invited me to the beach with him for a week, and he said he wanted to invite as many people as possible. I found out that he invited a few other girls too. Ok, that's fine, I don't care if he has girl friends. But since we weren't technically in a relationship I wanted to see where we stood because I don't want to get hurt so I asked him if there was a possibility of a relationship in the future. He said he is not ready for one now (although I asked about the future.. maybe it is hard for him to imagine that far ahead?). I left this until the end because I did not want you guys to judge him, but he has a court date in 2 weeks and he might be going to jail. He has had a really hard life and was doing some things he wasn't supposed to be doing and he got caught 8 months ago. He has totally turned his life around since then and is hoping that this will influence the judge but justice sometimes is not so keen on this.He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship because he does not want to be thinking about a girl in jail 24/7 if he goes, and he also apparently had a very bad break up with his last girlfriend who he must have been very serious with..I think she broke up with him when he got arrested. He said he is not ready for something like that again.If he goes to jail I'm guessing it would be a year at most, but I have a feeling he is just going to get probation. My question is though he treats me so well and he even told me he likes me a lot and I am falling hard for him, but he does not want to be with me. How should I handle this situation? Should we stop spending time together? And about the beach? Should I even go? If he does not want to be with me and he is inviting other girls as well I don't want to go there and be kind of tossed aside. I am so confused, and honestly I'm hurt. I like him so freaking much! Because we have been friends for so long I don't want to lose our friendship, and I'm also willing to wait it out for him until he's ready. Should I say this to him or keep it to myself? I don't want to seem overbearing. I wish I hadn't fallen so hard for him but that would be impossible, I just know that we are meant to be, if not now then in the future.What should I do?? Thanks for reading all of this!!
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female
reader, shmshn +, writes (5 August 2009):
shmshn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, this is so confusing. I have been friends with him for so long and he always had a thing for me. I guess it's kind of karma.. I wasn't interested in being in a relationship with him back then and now I'm getting that end of the stick!! Except I didn't lead him on like he is leading me on, but then again guys usually don't turn down sex.
I am probably going to pass on the beach, maybe I'll go and just hang out with his older sister too and let him do his thing, I mean he IS my friend and I want to spend time with him before he goes away if he does. His court date is also 2 days into the week-long beach trip, pretty shitty!
I will stick by his side and be there for him because this is a rough time in his life, one day he will look back and remember me for that and see I truly care and wouldn't be interested in hurting him.
For now I will hold off on the friends w/ benefits stuff and just tell him straight up why. Does this all sound good to you?
Thank you again! I gave you all good ratings :)
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (5 August 2009):
 Yeah, I'd stop spending time with him. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, stop acting like you're in one. No sex, no kissing, no cuddling and all that. Why give away the milk for free, you know?
When he gets out and decides he wants a relationship, and if you're both single, then go for it. Don't wait around though, keep living your life because you don't know what will happen next.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (5 August 2009):
I say wish him all the best, but don't wait for him.
This situation is very complicated, and you really don't need to be caught up in it.
He is in no position right now to be a good boyfriend to you.
I would pass on the beach. From the sounds of it, meeting him and his friends there is just going to be hard on you.
If you want to keep in touch as friends by phone or email, great, but seeing him in person is just going to hurt you more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): honestly hun..your having sex with him..your basically just not official, i personally think you shouldnt have sex with someone unless you are going out, what if you got pregooo with him baby!?! butt anyways on the other hand..try to hang out with him alone and tell him how you feel..i would also stop the hookup if he don't want to make it official..then again wait till he gets out of court because that might be the reason he dont want a relationship..., and if he is changing then thats good what he did in the past might be a mistake,..but do you want to be with someone who might need to be in jail?
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