A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy online about 4 weeks ago, we talked for about a few days before finally meeting up, the first date was a blast and after that, we set up for a second date but were both too busy so we just got together and study. And for the next few days, we pretty much meet up everyday either to just spend a little time together or even to just study. Or even come see me for like 10 minutes after his late night class.We've been "officially dating" for about 3 weeks now and somehow, I feel like I am being put up as a back burner.But I don't know if it is because we are both really busy (its near the end of the semester, lots of exams) or that I am really...just a female companion.First of all, I rarely hear from him. It is almost impossible to get a "how was your day" or simply any text/calls from him unless I initiated it. And even then, even if I was the one who sent him the text, it usually takes him hours to finally reply, or sometimes....none. I've once asked him about it and he said he is just not a tech savvy person. (which is true...He does not check emails daily, does not own any IM or social network site accounts. And his cell phone is rarely in his pocket, its always in his bag) But if I ever do call him, he usually does pick up or call me right back whenever he is available.Secondly, I feel like he is very "physical". Whenever he is around me, his hands are never off me. Whenever we are alone, there would be lots of making out. And chances are, he'd want me to give him head. Then after that, its usually time for me to go or time for him to get ready for class/work. Which then makes me feel like maybe he is just in this for the sexual pleasure. But....I've once told him that I am not ready to have sex yet and so he has never really pressured me on that.He is extremely busy and so am I, so a lot of times, the only time we get to hang out is between classes, for about an hour. There has been some days where we both happen to have nothing for the rest of the night and he did take me out to dinner. Or that we both have nothing in the morning but are both tired so we spent the whole morning just laying under the sun, cuddling, taking a nap together.He did specifically said that I am definitely his girlfriend and that he enjoys spending time with me and that seeing me always makes his day better, and at the same time, I feel like he does make time for me whenever I requested it, even if that means he may be a little late for class or staying up late to catch up on his studies. Every time we are together, he always treats me like a princess, being very affectionate and "gentle man" like. But....why do I still feel like I am not all that important to him or that maybe he does not care for me as much?What do you think? does he really care?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 November 2010):
Hi there. It sounds like you are buddies, but not romantically involved.
Unfortunately, it also sounds a lot like a classic case of FWB (Friends With Benefits).
The benefits being the making out, as you say.
It is also a busy time with end of semester exams, so a lot to contend with there.
The only way to change the way things pan out, is to say "no" to sex - every now and then.
When sex is given out so easy like this, without him having to do anything nice for you (take you out to nice restaurants, the movies, to see a show, a picnic etc.), in fact for him to spend money on you, it then really is nothing more than the FWB routine.
It is a bit of rut you can easily get into with a guy, if you're not careful.
He really needs to work for his ticket to sex. If he can't or won't bother himself to to spend some time and money on you, then you probably need to move on. But first say to him that you would like to go out somewhere - anywhere. Just out. Instead of staying home all the time, studying and having sex.
The situation you are in at the moment, is very unlikely to progress to a real relationship and caring about each other. It just doesn't have any substance to it.
If you don't take a stand on this very soon, it will stay the same without changing - forever. It's a case of being taken for granted. Surely you want more for yourself than that.
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