A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi!Am really having a hard time...the thing is after all what I've been through I realized that I choose wrong and eventually it turns against me and I get to be the 1 tht suffers!Anyways 2 cut it short, I've had a bf since Febr. and we've been going out everyday, we got really close, we've done everythign however am still a virgin, am 22 and he's 24, things were goin fine but he was always that wild type of guy; he drinks and takes hash and have had sex b4 many times...im just not like that, am the committed type of gurl and he was my 2nd love...we always argued that he didnt want serious commitment now as he said he wasnt ready just cos he wanted 2 have fun much longer! (I waited with him however cos I thought he'd change specially that he also said that things were in my hand 2 make him wanna commit sooner than later) then last month things starteg 2 get really weird as he stopped calling or askin to c me like he used to, until he then stopped answerin my calls, however he would sent me a kiss in a msg which was so weird cos "u dont answer my calls nor call me then suddenly send me a kiss" I was like r we together or r we not! then I tried talkin to him about it only everytime he would turn things on me, and last time I met him he just gave lame excuses and blamed it on me! sayin that I make drama out of nthn!Also when I called him he just acted like am no longer his priority and he'd be like "am goin out with my frnds, I'll call u later" and he never does...then 2 weeks ago he travelled for a short vacation and only called me once and text'd me once in 10 days long, then I kept callin but he never answered so last week I text'd him sayin that it seems 2 me u dont care anymore, u dont even answer my calls and u just shut me out of ur life, if u really loved me u wouldnt ve been able 2 stay all this long without me, I cant be lovin u and wantin 2 spend 4ever with u when u cant commit, so anyways good luck in ur life without me, it's over, I was really happy with u...Guess what? he didnt bother 2 reply! And after 2 days we have a common frnd I found him tellin me that he told him that everythin between us has ended and that we broke up!! I really dont know am finding it really hard 2 get over him and just walk away like that, specially that we've almost had sex, we had "sex play" many times in the last couple of months! And this is something that I have never done be4 with anybody cos I always thought of it as sacred and should only b done with my husband! he had promised he'd marry me and never leave me, and I believed him like a fool...now he left me without a reason, just cos he wants to go party n have fun with no strings attached! but I wonder y from the 1st place did he pull me into this?!our common frnd has said that I rushed things cos I loved him from the 1st sight and wanted commitment...but then I didnt do all this alone, he was with me in every step! he said he loved me and wanted 2 marry me and would never leave me!!!what's tearing me apart is the fact that he didnt even bother 2 reply!!! as if he was waiting for me 2 take the move!!A couple of days ago I was really pissed off from all this specially that I couldve gotten pregnant from him! so I text'd him callin him an asshole and that I hate him...however, I still c him online! he hasnt blocked me, but hasnt spoken a word to me either and he's totally moved on and im sure he goes to party everyday and doesnt give a damn...when am here stuck, cryin and suffering!!!I think if I talked 2 him again or even went to his work or smthin I'd just be humiliatin my self, but I want him back cos of the intimacy that was between us and I really miss him!! it's really hard 4 me 2 just leave all this behind and act like nthn happened!I dont think I could ever let any other man touch me, nor love another guy after what I've done with him....my frnds keep sayin y havent u blocked him yet, but I just cant! I keep thinking what if he talks 2 me :(Please help :'(
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female
reader, marie78 +, writes (11 November 2006):
I recently went through the same situation; however, I gave my virginity to my ex., and he didn't value or appreciate it as much as I did. It was obvious in the way that he treated me during and after our relationship. We have been in contact since, and sometimes it's cool and other times it's hard (like right now). You have to try and move on, because that's what I have to do. I'd love to stay in contact with my ex but I can't except his poor behavior any longer. It's tough, but take it one day at a time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2006): Oh my, I feel so badly for you, hun. This man was not the one for you. You both did not share the same relationship values, you both were not compatible. This guy has moved on, sweety and II think you know this and it's hard to accept it. All his actions are saying, he has disconnected. He'd rather party hard, do drugs and live his life in a way, that goes against your principles. He is the kind of guy that doesn't want to be connected to a woman and it sounds like he doesn't know how to maintain a loving relationship. Why? Immaturity, self-centeredness, egocentricity and unthinkingness, perhaps.You really never had much with him, did you?
Try hard to accept it and let it go. Do not contact him. You may think you chose wrong..but I'm inclined to think you are going through this for a reason. Is it to learn a life lesson? Is it a good thing? Sometimes yes..but the pain is great and you need to be kind to yourself by allowing yourself to cry, grieve and then recover. It will take time and a lot of courage. Call your friends, socialize, do anything to help you get through this. As the weeks go on..it will get easier. Whatever you do though, make time to mourn your loss as well. You need that. Write here, write a diary, talk to friends, and keep talking so until there is nothing left to say As tough as it is, .Life throws us the unexpected and we deal with it. We communicate to family and good friends to help us through.
Hopefully with time and after a great deal of thought, you might consider taking care of yourself and learn from this relationship, better ways of providing the commitment you want. Hold out for someone who deserves you.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (11 November 2006):
What if he does talk to you? It will just be the same, nothing new. He isn't going to change into the guy you want him to be. Please listen to your friends, move on from him. He really isn't worth it. Sounds like he has his own problems so leave him to it. Good luck.
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