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female
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anonymous
writes: "Does he still loves me? Is it over?" I met my ex bf online. We communicate online and by phone for a year and half. When we met I felt like I have known him for so long. I stayed in his house and first night he begged me to performed an oral sex with him. I did. I didn't have any physical contact with him. He calls me every weekend or during the week, he was a bit obssess with me. Last year I decided to move to his state so I can be closer to him. He picked me up in the airport and he introduced me to his son who his, babysit for his child.It was okay for awhile, then he started complaining about my hair in the shower. I cannot live any food on my plate. Sometimes I slept on the couch because he doesn't want his son to see us sleeping together. One day his son saw me in his bed, they were standing at the foot of the bed and his son made a comment of " why she still here" He didn't say anything. When he dropped me off to my apartment he apologized. He has photos of his ex girlfriends. a photo of his ex girlfriend ( mother of his son ) family photo including him, his son, the ex gf and the stepdaughter. He told to focus on his son not on his ex gf. I hardly ask anything about his ex. He never told me about her I just heard her name from his son. I have no idea if still in love with his ex. Ex gf is married and she has her son every other weekend. Thanskgiving I met his family. I spend a lot of times being alone or talking to another group of people, he was talking to somebody else. Christmass eve we went to his Mom's party. He introduced me to some folks there. He spent a lot of time talking to her mother's co worker and I was alone nothing to talk to because I just met them. When the woman was leaving she said that I was lucky because I have a nice looking bf, and cute kid. My bf was so nice to her. When she offered a hug and he hugged him back and also the woman handed her the coat to put on her. Woman is married and has a daoughter. I excused myself went to him and he asked me what was wrong I said nothing. His son was there and I don't want any argument in public and in front of his kid. I went with his Mom to accompany her because she was drunk. I called my bf on the phone and told him I was very upset, that I would never do that to him. In fact if I hug him he never hug me back. Seeing him being so affectionate with another woman is very painful. Christmass we went to his Mom's house. His brother and his sister's family was there. A friend of her Mom, cousin and his son. We were sitting on the table talking. He was drinking then left me. I was alone again. I asked his Mom if I can rest,because I felt like nobody cares about me. For hours I was laying in bed and no one ever checked me. When it was time to go home, my bf was sitting next to me. I thought to myself it was time to go home. Him and his cousin both drunk so I did the driving. When we were in his house. I asked what he wanted from me. His responds " I don't need you " I was shock. He said he wants love and companion. New year's eve he spent time with his cousin. I'm only 4 blocks away. I didn't complain. January 4 his son's b-day I was in his house sister and cousin was there. He offered wine to them, I have nothing. I had enough decided to leave early and told his sister I was going to another party but that was a lie. I kissed him goodbye he didn't say a word. Several days had pass I never gott a call from him so I called him. He told me he was upset because I left on his son's b-day. I told him the reason. Second week of January I asked him if we can go out for dinner. When he was in my car, he started complaining about the car, he hates my car...he got out of the car and took his son went inside the house. I was sat there for awhile just numb, wanted to cry but I can't. Drove off, while I was driving my phone rang, I knew it was him. He apologized said he wasn't feeling good and offered to go back to his house and he will cook dinner, if I want too. I didn't call him for a month or so,made a decision to just forget about him. Thinking that if he really cares about me, he will call again and see if I was ok, but it didn't happen. when his Mom called me asked what was wrong with me and his son. I told her nothing was wrong.All of a sudden I had this urge to talk him. I called him, he never answered the phone. Called him nine times left a message and no reply. One day, I decided to go to his house. I rang the doorbell he wouldn't even open the door. He was outside, building the deck. Finally his son open the door for me. I went directly to his garage and said to him that " I was sorry! " I know he was happy to see me, he was having a hard time concentrating on his work. We didn't talk much. He told me that I should go, don't say anything to his son. He escorted out of his garage towards the gate. I was very quiet. I realized that I still love him. Despite bad treatments from him. I called him one more time. He called me back, because I sounded very unhappy,I told him that I want to be called Mrs. his last name, want to spent the rest of my life with him. then he told me, I was stressing him out and I was trying to change him. I didn't try to change him. Month of May left messaged on his phone told him " I will always love him and goodbye!" By the way his Mom was telling to her co workers, family and my friend that we broke up. She told me she was sorry it didn't work out. That she likes me,she was encouraging me to find another man. My ex bf and I never had any photo together he said we are too old for that. I always initiate the hug and the kiss. He rather spend time with his cousin than spending time with me. He hardly say " I love you " I pretty much felt that something wrong with our relationship. I tried to make the relationship he doesn't. No contact since I left message on May. June I changed my phone number. But he knows my e-mail. Today decided to delete my e-mail address.Is it over when he said I was stressing him out and trying to change him? Did he use me? Did I make a mistake for not calling him back, when he left a message on phone and apologized? We hardly spend time together or talk, he hardly calls me,no sex. Should I call him? and tell him that I still love him? Your advice is very much appreciated.Yamashita
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female
reader, LaRochelle7 +, writes (10 September 2006):
Hi Yamashita
I have just finished reading your very detailed account of your relationship. I think the key words here are "I tried to make the relationship he doesn't". Again and again it comes across that you have tried very hard to make this succeed but your boyfriend is making no effort.
It is hard, I know, but for your own self respect and peace of mind, you must move on. Forget him - there will be someone out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. Do not put up with a second rate relationship - you are worth far more than that.
Take care. I will be thinking of you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): Hi Yamashita
Wow this is a bit like a journal! The over-whelming feeling I get reading this is that you were very focused on wanting to be the centre of his attention, and he clearly has other people important to him in his life, his family and his son.
I would have taken great pleasure from the fact that he wanted to show you off to these people, that he clearly cares about. I think it's reasonable that he was cautious at first about you sleeping together when his son was around, it can't be an easy situation for anyone at first.
The fact that you wanted to rest and no-one checked on you - well why would they? you aren't a child and if you'd said you wanted to rest then out of respect they would leave you alone? Yeah ok he could have just made sure you were ok but maybe you dozed off and he did peek round the door and didn't want to disturb you?
I think you need to let this go now, you've given him every chance to contact you and the fact is that he has chosen not to, it wasn't that he couldn't contact you he just chose not to. Sadly I think his mother is right, you need to focus on the future and maybe think about meeting someone else that can give you more security and build you self-esteem as you do seem to be quite fragile in this department.
Best wishes x
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A
female
reader, joeymac +, writes (10 September 2006):
wow it sounds as though u have kept a diary of every miniscule event that has ever happened during your relationship. u seem as though u are very on edge and nervy, taking things out of context. - "I felt like nobody cares about me. For hours I was laying in bed and no one ever checked me" - its as though u do things to create the wrong kind of attention from people. i think u need to relax and maybe he will start to want to be in ur company a bit more instead of going mad at him for no apparent reason - then he will definately not want to be around u. maybe u both just do not get on, in that case u need to find someone else who u can tolerate and be happy with u say u love him yet u have complained about almost everything about him? i think u need to meet some new people and compare how your relationships are, maybe ur just telling yourself u must love him because there is noone else around x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2006): you shouldnt call him back you have showed your feelings towards him and as he hasnt replied for some time you should just move on and meet someone who will treat you alot better.
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