A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for well over 2 years now and we've been best friends. We got together about a year ago we started having oral sex on a pretty regular basis. About 2 months ago, he took my virginity and it was absolutely fantastic! We've done it a total of 3 times, and now he's avoiding seeing me because he says he feels guilty that he's 10 years older than me. He says that there are so many experiences I should go out and be having at 18, and he doesn't want to get in the way. (He's never understood that I am not the "partying" type.) I keep telling him that he is not getting in the way of my having fun, and I really do love him so much. It kills me that he won't see me - he will only talk to me online or over the phone. He says that we need to go back to being friends, but that isn't what I want. I even told him that I was willing to take a few steps back, but he said that he's certain we would lose control of ourselves. How do I make him understand that he is not having a negative effect on my life? We are so good for eachother, and I really want to make this work!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): *I am the person who wrote this question.* I don't think I wrote this question the right way. My guy is really insecure - he's had a bad family life and he's constantly worried about what he's doing that might hurt me. I love that he's honest with me about his feelings, but sometimes we get stuck in a rut because of his doubt. He won't tell me if he's hurt from a relationship in the past - he only talks about the present. What I want to do is help him past this doubt. He's always afraid that he's going to hurt me.
A
female
reader, floraltemptaions  +, writes (27 April 2007):
I have to agree 100% with IRISH's post. I too was in your situation once, 14 with a 20yr old family friend that made me feel like the princess I had never felt like before. WE were friends, he ate dinner with my family, everyone liked him, and I thought he was the one, forever. Although young and naive (which you dont seem to be so), I eventually let him go, and forever felt a bit of a grudge for him for taking my innocence. He married a girl I knew, and I begrudged her too. But now, I have a career, a happy relationship... and he's divorced & fat.. and it makes me happy that I moved on :) and someday, you will be too! Just keep yourself busy, thrust your energy into your schoolwork, and go out with your friends... because ultimately, your friends are the ones that are always there when you need a shoulder to cry on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): I've seen this happen a lot. Girls that lose their virginity to a guy, even if it was a bad experience, typically, for some reason or another, love the guy and I think for girls, this is probably the hardest breakup they will have outside of possibly going through a divorce.
I'm not a girl, but like I said, I've seen a lot of friends stuck on a guy that was obviously horrible for them because they lost their virginity to them.
The good news is that all, not just some, but all eventually moved on and realized they were missing the bigger picture, which is the guy wasn't right for them.
Guys deal with somewhat a similar experience, when guys fall for someone and then breakup with them, the hardest thing for the guy is when the girl winds up being with someone else. I think the situations produce similar feelings, the guy will want the girl back even though he knows that she is wrong for him. Now that IS something I've been through.
Anyway, for anyone reading, I unfortunately won't be a virgin for the woman I marry, and I don't expect the woman I marry to be one, that would be unfair of me. However, after having seen both sides of what happens 99% of time from pre-marital sex, I honestly believe now that your first time should be with your husband/wife, even if you aren't a religious person. It's just good advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): the best way to get over him is to meet someone else. make sure to practice safe sex too..
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused +, writes (27 April 2007):
Hi ;
You are still so young , you have your whole life
ahead of you !! take it from somebody who's older, YOU WILL
meet somebody , someday, that's 10 times better than he is.
He is a lot older, and wiser too, he's already thought
about how you and him together will never work, and he does not want you to wait for him. Coming from a guy who took
your virginity , that must hurt a lot. but let's talk about
the reality of men and women, women tend to associate sex
with love , but that's not how men's brains work, they
can separate love and sex much easier than we do . Once you
understand how men and women are built differently , you
wouldn't feel so bad and puzzled.
He knew you are not the partying type , that's why he
does not want you to fall to hard , deep down he knew you
are a good girl and does not want to hurt you in a long term.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): Hun, there is absolutely nothing you can do to convince him otherwise. I think you are giving your heartfelt emotions to a man who is not loving you back, in the way you deserve. When a man wants to be with a woman, he loves or even really likes...there is nothing...absolutely nothing will stop him from being with her. He calls her, he sees her, he does all he can to be in her presence. This guy is not doing that. You gave yourself to a man who was 10 years older. And now he's telling you, 'I'm too old for you-go out and have fun' and let's call this a day. Why do you really, really think he's doing that, dear? I feel you have been 'kindly and politely dumped'. I am sorry..it really appears he's not at the same place as you in this situation. You should try hard to stay real and accept that. So please...just let him go, hun. Hangin onto someone who won't love you back is futile and painful. I know you love him...but don't lose your sense of pride and dignity pining over a guy, self-respect to a guy who has told you what he wants. I recommend you lose all contact, do not even be friend with him-go absolute cold turkey or you will never recover. You will always hang onto the crumbs of attention you get from him and that will hinder you, from finding someone else to share your love with. Give yourself a chance to mourn him and recover. This is the only way, hun. It will take time but you will regain some strength back, knowing you can and will carry on without him. Life and love can be harsh..this is one of it's lessons that teach us to be strong and persevere. We learn from this. You will be happy again..you have a lot to offer some decent guy who will love you back and appreciate you for your goodness, your compassion and kindness. Accept that this guy isn't him. Good luck Sweety
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