A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupids.My boyfriend lied to me for 8 months about being a virgin, but then after he took my virginity he confessed to previousy sleeping with 7 girls!! He told me he didn't want to hurt my feelings, which he did twice as much by lying! Why would he lie? I went mad with him, I told him he was bang out of order to tell me he'd had sex with 7 girls before me the day after he took my virginity! I was in love with him, I thought it was special, losing my virginity to a virgin I loved! but obviously not! I told him there and then it was over, I walked out and haven't spoken to him since it happened on Monday but he text me today and told me he was sorry and all this shit and asked me if I'd get back with him, I sent a ":(" back to him, and then he repied with a big essay saying how sorry he was but I didn't reply.was i right in finishing him for lying about this or am i been over the top? sorry about the long post xox
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): I did almost the same thing to a girl but I do love her and we have been married for almost 26 years The sad truth is that everyone lies, what is important is the type of behavior he exhibits in your relationship. Does he ignore you and seem like he is not interested in you mentally. If he spends all his time on you keep him around, if he doesn't seem to care about you drop him. it's that simple. I know that it is hard to think in a logical manner at this time, but that is what you need to do. From a guys perspective if he does love you be sexually exciting to him give him a bj randomly and often but not daily and he will do almost anything for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Hey, so I just skimmed through the replies here, but what is all this? I mean, I see such a double standard here. How many posts do we get with men unable to deal with their partners past, sometimes the women lied about the past and the man finds out... They come here shed their tears and the women tell them to get over it, that its none of their business and that all men are insecure.
But here is a prime example of that same situation, but gender reversed. Now the women say he is only in it to get laid, that he does not deserve you for this, etc etc.
Basically it boils down to sexual incompatibility. This girl will never be able to be with him, the truth has been let out, and its like pandora's box. It will always poke its head in and always upset her. She is best to find another man.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Yes honey, you definatly did the right thing. If he has lied to you about something that important, he is a waste of space. Its a shame that you learn't the hard way, but its not the end of the world.
Just remember you are a descent young lady and deserve much much more.
XXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): PS: Sorry it's me again.... Having sex with no love, is very, very different from having sex with the woman you love. So in a way he was a virgin, he probably never had proper sex until the day he made love to you... Hope that helps. I'm a romantic soul, I'm hoping me words are true and he really loves you with all his heart. Remember, he told you the truth in the end, and he didn't have to do that, so he must be feeling like crap....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Sorry, I'll be the one to disagree, and give you another view of the situation. This guy was a player, he slept with tons of girls and his heart was not involved. Then he meets you, he knows your a virgin and he knows your virginity is important to you. He starts a relationship with you, and he doesn't want you to know that he was a bad boy in the past. So he lies, he wants you to know your special, and he's too stupid to realize that lying makes things worse. He's been with you for 8 months, he loved you enough to wait. Now you have found out, but he still loves you, and he is unhappy that he's made you upset. If you love him, and you are willing to forget and forgive, then don't sleep with him again for a long time. If he can be around you, if he treats you good, if he doesn't lie again, and he waits to have sex, then I'd say he was a player, but now he's a stupid guy in love and he regrets all his mistakes...
Some people can get scared and nervous when they find something that is very, very important to them. Lying is bad, but maybe for him, loosing you would have been worse.
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A
male
reader, Beery +, writes (23 October 2008):
 By the length of time he dated you, and since he confessed his lie, it seems like this guy truly did want to be your boyfriend. But he also wanted to get into your pants enough to pretend to be the virgin that it seems you wanted. You have to decide whether this guy is worth forgiving or not. After all, it really doesn't matter how many women he slept with. What matters is that he lied to get you into bed.
The real problem is, lying in order to get women into bed is almost a necessary part of the mating ritual - I mean no one admits to being a computer nerd or a couch potato during courtship - every suitor pretends that he/she exercises all the time and has an active social life, yet here we are in a world dominated by vacuous couch potato/computer geek spouses. During courtship, we all do our level best to pretend we're EXACTLY what our potential mate wants - it's all lies.
The thing is, you have to decide whether your boyfriend's lie was just part of the courtship ritual, or whether he stepped over the line and truly cheated you into bed. I don't think the answer is as cut-and-dried as some here seem to think. Heck, in my time I've pretended to be an ex-Royal Navy veteran while trying to get laid, but on the other hand, I wasn't in a serious relationship while doing it. I dunno - I'm tending towards the 'dump him!' side, but I must admit it's a difficult choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): I'm sorry you lost it to a guy like that, he saw you as a challenge. I can't think of why else he didn't tell you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Why would he lie? Answer: To get into your knickers.
Were you right to finish with him? Answer: Yes.
Sure he's sorry - he wants to wheedle his way around you and do it again! Ignore him. He's a player. 8 months eh? He was patient, I'll give him that!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): That asshole!
Simply put that was just utterly disrespectful. Just wanted another notch IMO.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (23 October 2008):
 No, you were absolutely right. If he is gonna lie to you about things this important, then imagine what else he would lie about. This could have been just the tip of the iceberg. You did the right thing.
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