A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How can i move on from someone who took my virginity?He's 26 and I'm 18. We've been together for 5 months.then, he broke up with me after reading an email from his 8 year ex girlfriend telling him that my family are allergic to him and that they don't want him for me. His 8-year ex girlfriend has been chatting with me during our 4th month of being together telling me all the things or reasons why i should break up with him but told me not to tell anyone about our conversation. I kept my promise and trusted her also of everything that i told her. Her email to my ex contained a very different story compared to what i have told her in our chat.She used extreme words describing everything i told her and it seemed very different from the real things i told her. It's been a week since he broke up with me through text. And i feel bad everytime i think of how easy it was for him to break up with me knowing that i gave my all to him. He was even my first in everything. My first kiss, my first real committed relationship, and the person who took my virginity. I really have every reason not to go back to him because of what he did before, during, and also with what he believed in that he broke up with me. Yes, i still love him but i don;t want to go back to the same experience of being cheated on, being lied to, and having to forgive someone who's sorry during the time but is not REALLY doing anything to change himself for the better. but it's really hard to move on.. I'm really depressed a lot and quite easily. I tell myself eveyday that I can do it. What hurts me more is that he didn't text me a single word after breakign up with me. Then, i learned that i've been played by him. They got back together with his 8-year girlfriend. and i fell like shi*t that until now i cry everytime i remember the things connected to him. Help! i want to move on but the feelings towards him is still there and even the feeling of wanting to take revenge is there. But i want to be happy. I don't want to take revenge to worthless people who doesn't know how they hurt other people. I want to help myself, i just don;t know how.. :(
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 For future reference, please remember that you should NEVER talk with ex-girlfriends. You should see red flags (warning sign) if your boyfriend is texting, emailing, and/or talking with his ex-girlfriend. If a guy is into YOU, YOU will be the focus of his attention and he will have no contact with ex-girlfriends or females in general (except for neighbors and those with whom he works). I am sorry you are feeling so depressed. It is a depressing thing to go through and many of us can feel your pain. Be assured there is someone out there for you. Someone who will give you the attention you deserve and who will respect you instead of talking with his ex. Also, please be careful having sex with men you've only known for 5 months. Some people can seemingly do this and have a great guy who stays with them, but if you want a lasting relationship, it might be wise to wait awhile longer. I know it is devastating, but you will make it. It sounds like you have a good attitude and one of perseverance. Keep the faith and you will eventually move on.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 First you have to stop thinking sex is something you gift to a man in exchange for love, that sex with a second man is less special, that after sex you are deflowered if you broke up. That kind of victim mentality does not go well with equality in relationships nowadays.
It's not one person who deceived you but two. I am not sure why you befriended his ex girlfriend, and why you trusted her, how she got the information that your family doesn't like him, and why you told her your family doesn't like him, something private and should be kept only between you and your family. Your boyfriend went back to his ex because he still had feelings for her, not because of the email, but because something else that isn't working in the relationship that's never brought up. Did you befriend his ex because you feel the need to complain about your boyfriend, and she is the only one who will listen to this? She succeeded in alienating you two and turning you two against each other. She got him back through deceptive means. If they want to get back together all they had to say was they miss each other and want to try again if they are still single. This using "friendship" to spread secrets, then betrayed your friendhip, which makes her look very cheap. If he gets back with her then he gets to see the real her. What goes around comes around.
Hopefully next time you meet a guy you need to see how committed he is to you, that he has no other distractions but loving you only, before you commit to him emotionally. If virginity is so important in your culture then find a guy who is emancipated from the ancient idea that virginity is a woman's worth bullcrap.
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