A
female
age
30-35,
*reola
writes:Hello, a month ago I met a guy via an online dating website. We got along well, went on a few dates and after 6 dates he slept over at my place. The next morning I was rather shocked as I did not want to turn this into a relationship, so we talked and came to the conclusion that we both would like to have something ''open''. So I guess I'm now in a friends with benefits kind of thing. But we don't follow the ''rules'', ie. we sleep over at each others' places, he is very cuddly and sweet to me. His best friends knows that there is something going on, he doesn't mind being close to me when his friend is around. Problem is that I find myself enjoying this situation to the fullest and I have to admit that I wouldn't mind if it would turn into something more, though we both said that we don't want any relationships now. I'm not forcing it and I wouldn't say that I'm in love right now, rather infatuated. Has anyone of you experienced a situation like this and has a method of keeping my emotions at bay? I tell myself again and again that he's done something like this already a few times, that he is as kind to everyone else and that he is still looking for someone on that website. I've recently come out of a bad relationship and this fwb thing is really helping me feel better and more happy, so I really don't want to drop out of it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 July 2012):
 “The next morning I was rather shocked as I did not want to turn this into a relationship, so we talked and came to the conclusion that we both would like to have something ''open''.
So you set this up as FWB and now you are wanting to change the rules… well dear you need to speak to him about that… he may feel the same way.
IF he does not, and you do, then it’s best to leave as you will get hurt.
FWB rarely turns into more…
A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Friends with benefits is never made to work without emotions developing and the more you continue this the more your going to feel for him, obviously guys like it because they get sex whenever without actually having to commit to a relationship.
If your happy with knowing that eventually this might end because your not together, then thats fine, otherwise talk to him and actually make it relationship? Because you obviously like him, and maybe the fact you can cuddle/etc means he maybe likes you like that too, you just got worried about the relationship at first.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 There is no on and off switch to emotions. Your body knows what to do to guard you. I have been in relationships like this. I didn't remember telling myself what to do not to get hurt, or look for any methods. I just convinced myself that being single means freedom, and that relationships are for suckers. We go into relationships based on instinct, a feeling, rarely we say to ourselves we are ready to have relationships, let's have one. We also want something that would be taken away from us in the future. It's the urgency that makes us value what we have, and to hold onto it. You and him can say whatever you want at the moment. It is the magic, your connection that make neither of you want to be with anyone else. The thing that can't be explained becomes the gel. When he says that he is still looking it means he is shielding himself from hurt should you hook up with another guy. You can still communicate your feelings and wants to him as long as you are with him. It's a risk you are willing to take, because two people may not want the same thing at the same time. FWBs are not for the faint hearted. To cope you tell yourself that whatever heartbreak comes in your way you are able to handle it.
People go into FWBs to avoid getting hurt from a serious relationship. Little do they know that it is the same kind of hurt you would feel in a serious relationship. You still feel jealous and possessive if the other is having fun outside. You can use labels to distance yourselves. What you do together also counts towards building connection. Sometimes the feelings can be strong you can't deny what's inside. There are FWBs that are strictly just sex, no talk, no emotions. I seriously question how many people can put up with that kind of robotic experience.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (15 July 2012):
 When people engage in an emotional activity, ie-SEX, emotions are going to get involved. Contrary to popular belief, we are human beings, not robots. Humans, especially women, sometimes find it difficult to do the FWBs stint because someone always gets more emotionally involved than the other. Have you considered why this FWB's relationship makes you feel better? Why not make a real relationship? This guy seems interested in you and caring. Just a thought.
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