A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. Help me out a bit please. When my boyfriend plays with me, he sometimes does it too rough on my clit or too much on the reeeeally sensitive bit of my clit. I like it when he plays with me and don't want to just do sometig else so that he doesn't do that. last week he told me i was giving head wrong, but he said it in a real nice way which in a way made me feel worse. how do I tell him not to be too rough on my clit etc without making him feel the same way, ie -patronised?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2007): Ummm. You have problems with how he treats you down there and are shy to say so yet he had no problems telling you that you weren't servicing him how he liked. SAY SOMETHING. Or better yet don't give him any oral sex because you shouldn't be having sex with someone who gives you attention. You should be having sex with the man you are married to and yes ORAL is sex.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 I'm with Stanley Cup.
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A
male
reader, Stanley Cup  +, writes (25 July 2007):
That's great that you two are talking about what works and what doesn't, all too often people don't communicate and the problem doesn't get worked out. I hope that you aren't too upset with your boyfriend for making you feel patronized, but he probably figured that being nice was better than telling you in an angry manner. I guess that if you want to avoid this, that you should just ask him how he likes it, or what does he want you to do (at that moment).Because you don't want to tell him in the same manner as he told you, I would suggest a positive-negative-positive type of suggestion. Every man likes to think that he is casanova, not elmer fudd. So sometime when you are not in the act, tell him "I really liked it when you did 'X', I didn't like 'Y' so much, but 'X' drove me wild". See what I mean...a positive, followed by a negative, but then finished with a positive. This hopefully will allow you to say what you want without bruising his ego.However, when you are engaged in the act of oral stimulation, you need to say exactly what, when, where, and how often. For example:"No, wait, go back there, hold the tempo, yes right there, just a little to the left, keep at it"...you get my drift. If you are giving him specific directions while he's doing it, he'll be too busy to have his feelings hurt. Just remember, telling him what to do will work much better than what not to do.
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