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female
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anonymous
writes: My bf went to a lap dancing club a month and half before he met me and he had a private dance from a lapdancer and she was completly stark naked and he had an erection. He told me this yesterday, we have been dating for 11 months. I was really disgusted by this, i never thought he was the type to do such a thing, he said his mate took him there and he was very hesistant with the women.He told me the women wanted to meet him after she had finished work and she wanted sex, he swore he never had sex with her, but i still feel upset..... Should i be jealous??
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (14 September 2006):
 I'm sure you are lily-white, pure, and sinless, so it is all right for you to cast stones. Honey, if God can forgive sinners why can't you?
If you can't be the better person and forget about something that happened before he knew you existed, then perhaps you need to get back to the point before you knew he existed.
Either dump him so that he can find someone who does not engage in emotional blackmail or stick with him while you try to put your indignation into perspective.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2006): Well, it does give you insight into the type of man he is....and before someone says 'all men like this sort of thing' NO THEY DONT. He sees no problem with participating and supporting and industry that degrades women. Is that the osrt of man you want to be with???Only you can decide.
PS I agree you shouldnt be jealous. , just questioning what his morals are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): Lostandalone is right. No. You should not be jealous and I'll tell you why. Because you and only you, control all your own reactions and responses, in your life. So before you over-react to all this, I think you need to mull over the past 11 months and discern the good qualities and review all relationship history you have had with this man. You said yourself "you never thought he was the type to do such a thing". So I have to surmise, your relationship with him has been rock-solid and steady up until now and he has displayed good character...a part of him that is special , which you love deeply. His visit to the lap dancer was likely a momentary, spur of the moment thing, he and his buddies just wanted to try. And with a few beers in the belly, a lot of young single guys make silly decisions, they later regret. This lap dancer meant nothing to him. She was a girl just doing her job and getting paid well for it. Now with all that said, the only thing I would question about him is why he felt it necessary to tell you all the details? Some guys don't like to tell all the details but some gf's keep pumping them for more info. If this was you, this was something you didn't need to know, hun. If he volunteered the info..then set a boundry and tell him you don't need to hear about his past exploits in such vivid detail. But all in all, this happened before you were on the scene. So put this in the past, bury it and move on with life.
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A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (13 September 2006):
 No you shouldn't. This is before he met you. I'm sure he could look into your past and find something you have done and hold it over your head. How would you like that? I don't think its fair for you to pass judgement on him from past experiences. We all have things in our past that we would love to take back but unfortunately that won't happen. Leave it were it is, in the past and move on. I think this is a wasted effort and a waste of emotion on your part.
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A
male
reader, CRS698 +, writes (13 September 2006):
 Hi there, Its natural for you to be jealous but he did it before you met so you cant really go too far with it. But you DO have a right to feel the way you do and you should tell him so. You would probably want to know if its something he might consider doing nowadays, probably not though would be the answer.
I hope it works out for you.
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