A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to begin. The man I'm in love with I think is bipolar. I'm in a sales job making very little money and unable to find something that pays better. I'm intelligent and have had past success but have been relatively poor and broke for over a year. I live with my bf and only pay him $400 a month (his choice) to live in his big house. He constantly reminds me that I'm a loser for not being productive enough to get more income or a loser in general. In his words he is "telling it how it is". He told me tonight that he loves me but if my income doesn't improve he will have to kick me out by next year. Mind you this man has plenty of money but he feels he is supporting me since I pay so little towards the house mortgage. I honestly wish I could afford more but I have a daughter I take care of also. I don't like paying so little, I've always paid my share in life. I'm just in a rut. My question is am I taking advantage of this mans generosity? I've tried moving out before but he always stops me. If he resents me so much why even be together? I love him but I'm tired of getting told I'm worthless.
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (17 March 2012):
"My question is am I taking advantage of this mans generosity? I've tried moving out before but he always stops me. If he resents me so much why even be together? I love him but I'm tired of getting told I'm worthless"
Get the hell out of there!!!
Dodge this bullet. This guy haves no empathy for you.
He loves more his money than you.
GTFO Now!
If he has way more money than you, then there is no valid excuse for pressuring you...
Do you want to marry this jerk?
Will he kick you out of his house once you are old and pennyless?
GET OUT NOW
LET HIS MONEY MAKE LOVE TO HIM
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): "In his words he is 'telling it how it is'."
No, he's telling you what he wants you to believe so he can control you through fear and intimidation.
"He told me tonight that he loves me but if my income doesn't improve he will have to kick me out by next year."
When he "told" you he "loves" you he was lying. He cares nothing about you, he only wants to control you through fear and intimidation.
"Mind you this man has plenty of money but he feels he is supporting me since I pay so little towards the house mortgage."
He doesn't believe you are "supporting" him, he just wants you to believe that, he cares nothing about you, he only wants to control you through fear and intimidation.
"If he resents me so much why even be together?"
He doesn't resent you, he just wants you to believe that, he cares nothing about you, he only wants to control through fear and intimidation.
"I love him but I'm tired of getting told I'm worthless."
How can you possibly claim to "love" a man whom you believe resents you and who is constantly telling you that you are worthless? He cares nothing about you, he only wants to control you through fear and intimidation.
For your daughter's sake stop being a doormat, grow a backbone,and muster up some self-respect and self-esteem; otherwise your daughter will grow up to live as an adult what she learned as a child: Shacking up with a controlling and verbally abusive loser who cares nothing about her and only wants to control her through fear and intimidation is "normal" and therefore expected behavior she should emulate if she wants to be just like her mother.
Contact the nearest domestic abuse hotline/shelter to get the information, help and support you need to get away from this scumbag safely and permanently. He'll never change because he'll never admit he has a problem, easier to blame you, especially since you're letting him control you through fear and intimidation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): He's a jerk and you are not a loser!
I make about the same as you and have been broke the last 3 years as a single mother. I used to make a lot more but all I've been able to find is part time work. I'm getting married in a couple of months and my fiance pays for everything and never gives me a hard time about it. He knew my situation going in and if I end up making more down the road, that's great, but if not, so be it according to him. He has perfect credit and he's taking on all my debts.
Your boyfriend is kicking you while you are down and that's abusive. That's not love. Someone who loves you would want to make you happy, make your life easier, and support you in any way they can.
I would get out. There are so many men who are not like this.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 You’ve tried to move out but he’s always stopped you but NOW he’s saying you have to leave if you don’t’ give him more money.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR this makes me mad. That’s BS. Totally. You give what you can towards the care and upkeep of your home with your partner correct? So what else does he get from you? Do you do chores? Do you cook? Do you do the laundry? Are you roommates or sleeping in the same bed??
Is YOUR name on HIS mortgage or deed? No? then you own no part of this home and you are at his mercy. Him telling you, that you are worthless is nearly abuse in my book…. And you trying to leave and him not letting you is manipulation 101 when he tells you that you have to make more money he will have to kick you out by NEXT YEAR… mind GAMES
He’s playing MIND GAMES.
Do you have a place to go with your child? Family perhaps? I would GO. I would not ask. I would TELL HIM after the fact…..
My partner is younger than I am (by 13 years) and he moved to be with me in a home I own. We combine our funds and pay everything out of a household fund… we plan to marry because to me this is the way we should run a home what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine. I make more than he ever will and currently he is unemployed and yet I don’t think that he’s not pulling his weight. He’s my partner, my love, and he’s doing the best he can… what else in this economy could I expect???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): He's an abusive dink and I say move on, move out. He gave you the terms and I say, the terms suck.
Get independant, you'll gain confidence and freedom from his abuse.
Don't put up with it. He keeps you around because you take his abuse. No other woman would. So when you go to leave, of course he's going to stop you. Its not love, he needs to abuse. YOu enable him to behave and get away with his mistreatment.
If it were about love, you would both head to couples counselling to address his poor, abusive behaviour.
Tell him like it is and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Strange man, maybe he thinks by giving out 'tough love' he will inspire you to earn more/change jobs/be who he wants you to be? Hence telling you to stay when it hasn't worked as he thought.
Whatever his reasons he is being very unfair, if he's given you a year I would use it to save up and move away from him, both you and your daughter don't need this. If you can go to family sooner, then even better.
Being a mum is a demanding role, and the hardest you will have, alot of people are having a tough time financially at the moment. So, instead of berating you he should be supporting you mentally and emotionally. He isn't.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 If this man is telling you that you need to pay more towards living expenses but stops you when you attempt to move out, and is telling you that you are worthless .... he is an arse!
You dont need that crap. Your daughter doesn't need that crap. It's hard enough working and raising a child without having to put up with that sort of attitude.
Keep quiet for a few months while you save as much as you can, and as soon as you have enough for associated costs and a months rent elsewhere move out.
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