A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, ive been seeing this guy for two months now. Im completely in love with him already, and he feels the same about me. But the other day when he was at work I couldnt help myself and took a peek at him IM messages. I looked at the conversation he had with his ex-girlfriend. They are still good friends apparently, even though she broke his heart. Anyways, he writes to her about me, and our sex life, and other inimate things that I dont even tell my girlfriends about. I cant believe he would tell his ex-girlfriend those things. Now, Im not worried thats he wants her back, but I am angry that he tells her things about me. How should I react to something like that? And how do I bring it up?...cuz I looked through his personal things.
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at work, ex girlfriend, his ex, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): Be honest and tell him exactly what happened, he will only freak out if he has something to hide. You are the 'injured party', tell him how you never dreamt you would find anything especially to an ex about such personal things.
I know how insensitive men can be and that just isn't right, I mean I wouldn't be happy if my fella told his guy friends about what we get up to let alone an ex.
Just tell him that you are hurt that your personal life was displayed like that and that you would never do that to him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): ok... im in the same boat as this poor fellow who has the sneaky girl... first, i think it is wrong that you looked in his business. second, i dont think you have anything to worry about...so i wouldnt recommend bringing it up to him and here is why:
The girl I am dating currently is great in many many ways. But sometimes I need a womans perspective to help me with "girl troubles". And thats where the Ex comes in. We were friends in high school, and before/after we dated, and now when we are almost 30... and likely will be for a long time. She knows what I am thinking before I realize it. Basically another womans perspective...I mean...we cant ask our moms these types of things.
Best of luck....unless he has given you a reason to not trust him...i think you should...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I have "accidently" looked through my bf's stuff. Thank god I have never found anything cause I wouldn't know how to bring it up. I have peaked through his stuff while he was at work. But I didn't find anything so he never found out that I was looking around cause I had nothing to bring up. So this is a tough one.
I know it is so tempting but if you really love someone and trust them I guess it is wrong to snoop. I don't know. Well I would not bring it up but it would definitely stick in my mind at the top of my mind. I would be sketchy toward him. That's just how I am. I would feel betrayed. So even if I don't mention it he would be able to sense my distance. I would just ask questions about his ex. But really casually and unsuspiciously. Like what do they talk about. How close are they? How does he feel about talking and sharing sexual information about you two to other people. See what he says. But act like you are not judging him but rather like you are just getting to know him better. That is what I would do. And if he says something like "oh sex is very personal to me. That is something that I would never speak of to anybody." Then you know you are in love with a liar.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 You violated his trust only to discover he violated your trust.
I think you should let him know what he did, and dump him.
There is no excuse for what either of you did, and that can either mean you are a match made in heaven, or a ticking time bomb. I think you both could behavior better, and do better than each other. Kaboom.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): ok.lets see if we can help.
first of all i do not think he wants her back. or if he does he has a very strange way of going about it. would you want a man who tells you all about the sex he's having with another girl in gory detail? exactly.
its completely understandable that you are angry. that stuff is meant to be personal and special between you and him and hes telling someone else - an ex of all people! - all about it.
it may be that he is trying to make her jealous but i think it is much more likely that he is trying to hurt her to get her back for breaking his heart.
i think you should ask him discreetly and calmly if he told any of his friends any sex stuff because you havent told yours and you like how special it feels when its just between you two. of course he wont say "well actually i told my ex we were at it like rabbits" but it will make him see that you dont like anyone knowing about it, and hopefully he will be intelligent enough to stop telling her things.
but like i said i think he was just trying to hurt her back, hes done it now, hes said it and i dont think he'll be likely to do it again.
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A
female
reader, xxmissxx  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Ok, i think hes was being very disrespectful towards your privicy, although, im afraid to say, if you confronted him, he could throw the same accusation at you for invading his privicy.
He is in the wrong, and if you build a good enough argument then you can prove that your intentions were good, but still this will result in an argument.
If i were you, i would let it go, if you love him enough to that is.
Everyone is entitled to privicy, i think youre both as bad as eachother, in this case.
Im really sorry if that sounds harsh hun.
If you can let it go then do it, if not then prepare for a possible explosion.
Best of luck, your gunna need it hun
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): im sorry but any man whom tells is x gf bout sex with his new gf is trying to make her jealous and is trying to get back with her
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