A
female
age
36-40,
*gyzee
writes:Hi everyone, i'v been in a relationship with my bf for 3years now, we've had good times and few bad times, when i noticed some messages in his phone, about how he misses and loved a particular girl. This has happened thrice, of which he apologised and i forgave him. Since then he has been extremely careful about the messages on his phone, he sends messages to some girls but he deletes the sent items and delivery notes but keeps those of his male friends and family members.N/B; i only started goin thru his phone when i had some issues of not trusting him. Its not really my thing to access his phone.He has proposed to me, but i dont want to make mistakes, he could still be cheating on me. What do i do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 Can a leopard change its spots? Some believe that after marriage, some little annoying habits of their partners will change. Unfortunately, while some things may change, those little unacceptable behavior of their partners don't change over time after marriage.Some innate behaviors don't change like a little cheating, a little lying,etc.are little termites that in the long run erode the marital post. Watch for the red signals in your relationship before you plunge into serious decision such as choosing the right guy as a lifetime partner. As a rule, if you are in doubt, DON'T.
A
female
reader, Amdz  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 It sounds like you have plenty of "evidence" to not trust him! At least from what you are posting...You are right to have major ambivalence and concerns. How do you know if after 3 years, his sudden desire to marry you isn't purely driven by guilt? Guilt can be very powerful, but eventually when that fades, if the love isn't there and the relationship isn't strong, there will be a lot of pain and grief on your behalf. I've seen it happen all to many times...forgiving someone is comendable and a wonderful thing to strive for, but at the same time it is a major risk. You know yourself better than anyone to know if that is a risk you are willing to take. The facts are pretty strong to not trust him...betraying someone 3 times is a lot of betrayal. Once, can be a bad judgment on one's behalf. But he's got himself a pattern there of behavior that is likely not going to go away easily. Good luck.
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