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female
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anonymous
writes: My now fiance always tells me that I should grow my hair long (like how I used to have it). He'll even point out different girls and say things like "You should grow it that long." It made me mad so finally I said something, and he ignored me for awhile. He also gets mad if I eat something unhealthy, fearing that I will get fat. I have told him that I always exercise and have always been the same size, (120 pounds) and I usually eat healthy. Is this headed into an abusive relationship?
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female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 He fancied you with long hair. Fair enough he wants the same girl. But surely you cannot stay the same forever.
Whatever next, "dont get rinkles"?
he needs to accept you for who you are, to be allowed to express your personality. If he wants a girl to stay the same, he should get a porcelain doll!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Wow. What a complete CONTROL freak. He seems a little obsessed with the physical you and less concerned with the emotional you. It would really hurt my feelinsg if a guy told me I was going to "get fat" with every bite I took, or told me that I'd look better if I had hair like "her".
How positive are you that he really loves YOU? If he really loved you, he would love you with short hair and with a couple extra pounds. You want to MARRY this guy? Well, think long and hard, because if you do - well, he's going to try to control you for the rest of your lives together.
Stay strong, sweetness.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, TDMB +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Definitely sounds like he's got some 'controlling' tendencies here. I read an article recently about what they call 'Stockholm Syndrome' men - the name comes from kidnap victims who become emotionally attached to their captors. I went out with one myself for 18 months and this is how it starts. If it's a recent thing and he's not been like it before, maybe it's not too late to stop it getting worse. have you tried talking to him about it and saying that you don't like him telling you how you should look, or what you should eat? If he listens that's a good sign, if he tries to justify his behaviour and convince you that it's not unreasonable the the warning bells should be ringing . . .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): Oops! Change the following statement:
"He would think that you are perfect for him, just the way he is." to "He would think that you are perfect for him, just the way you are"
Sorry..not wearing my glasses! lol
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A
female
reader, Lilly223 +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Well this is how an abusive relationship starts. He is asking you to change things that you are entitled to determine all on your own... your appearance, and your eating habits. What will it be next? How you spend money you earn, where you go, who you see? Those are signs. Will he check your receipts, your milage on your car, will he call you to see if you are where you say you are going to be, even if you've given him no reason to doubt you? I can't say... but those are signs too. Will he criticize your friends, ask you to move away from your family, listen in on your phone conversations? I don't know, but I'd certainly put up your red flag if he does. These are just habits and behaviors that you should look for... if you notice these.... yes, this is an abusive relationship... Is he suddenly controlling, very mean, then remorseful, promising that it will never happen again, and then gradually move back in to a controlling phase. There are cycles that abuse follows... build up, abuse, remorse...does his behavior follow this? Just somethings to watch for. And for goodness sake, if he hits you, get out immediately.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): A man who truely loves you and respects you would never treat you like his property. He would think that you are perfect for him, just the way he is.. Yes, he is a controller...plain and simple and these men do not understamd the giving back aspects of love. They are takers, dear.. Men who have these abusive traits tend to do exactly what this guy is doing.
It really appears he has an expectation of how you should look to 'only' please him and he will want those needs anticipated. And no matter how much you tell him you disagree with what he wants, he will not support or listen to you. It's pure selfishness. Don't allow this in your life, you would be so wise to discern this man's intentions. Try talking to him about this issue and see how he reacts. Something tells me he might crtitcze or blame you in some way, to make you feel bad for suggesting such a thing. Controllers never accept responsibility for their own bad behaviours. That will really tell you what he's all about. Good luck, hun and keep me posted.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Control freak alert!!!!...Get out now,this man is not the ticket.How about you turned the tables round and told him to lose a few pounds,grow a moustache so that he looks like Tom Selleck from Magnum then bung him a fiver and tell him to go out and buy a Personality! If this guy keeps nit picking at your appearence then its time u took a walk and never look back.If you end up marrying the guy you will end up as another statistic for wife abuse.Get out.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (15 January 2007):
 Only you know where your relationship is headed. But it does sound he has some control issues. I'd be damn sure he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with before you say "I do." If you don't like it now, chances are it won't change once you get married.
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