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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: hi i'm 21 and have just had a baby. the father is 31 and from a different country. after having the baby i got very ill and my partner wasn't there for me and said some nasty things so i finished things with him. now i'm in a dilema as to if i should let him see the baby. he has to go back to his country and i don't know if he'll come back and i don't want our baby to get attached and then let down what should i do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (17 January 2007):
 He is the father, he has the right to see him.
Whatever problems you both had, do not punish your child.
If father does not come back by choice,nothing you can do about that but giving him the opportunity to see the baby will make you the better person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2007): I don't think this is a matter of what you want as it is what is best for baby and what is the "right" thing to do.
Most courts will encourage that a child have as much contact as possible with their parents so long as no threat of harm is evident.
Being that the infant is of a young age; the child will not have any long term damaging effects to visits with it's father.
What matters to an infant is if parent is loving, attentive, and desires to be involved.
I wouldn't seize this oppurtunity to with hold the Father from his child as a means of pay back or to even fool yourself into believing you are justified.
Your personal issues with the Father are irrelevant to yours and his baby.
Be kind and forgiving and encourage that he hold the baby and say his welcome to the world and his brief goodbye.
No matter what; you two now have a tie that unites the two of you in purpose weither you wish it or not...it is so.
Best Wishes and Congratulations.
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 I understand the position you are in. You want to protect your child from being hurt.... but this guy IS your baby's father... so he does have a right to see the child... AS LONG as it is an emotionally and physically healthy relationship. Just because he blew his relationship with you, doesn't mean he is going to blow his relationship with his child. Guys often approach their role as a parent much differently than they do as a significant other. Give the guy a chance... your child has a right to know who their father is.
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (15 January 2007):
 I think u should take the risk to let them meet each other as u'll feel guilty in the future when the baby asks u about the dad and so on if u cut this relatioship from the start, I think u should keep contact for he baby's sake he shpuld also help u economically to support the baby
I know this may sound hard but be brave u can do it, maybe a freind or familiar of yours could be present during the visit so you donot feel nervous or scared
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