A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This have been bothering me for quite sometime now. My husband and me used to have very good relationship. I always take care of him when his home even though I'm already tired from work I make it a point to cook and give time to him and our five year old kid. Things started to changed when he moved out and worked to another place. At first he calls everyday and text as often as he can but now he can't have much time for us and I tried to talk it out to him but he said he doesn't like to text much and he is busy working. He only goes home once in two weeks time and even not. I tried to understand his job and him basically. I wanted to keep myself busy working and taking care of our baby. But what I really hate is that he always tell me your not good wife and mom. I don't know why he is acting this way towards me now. He said that he only do this because he wants me to change to become responsible. All I ever did is to love him and take care of our family.... Why is it everything I do is still not enough, Sometimes it crossed my mind that I should end this going nowhere relationship before it makes me crazy. I'm having hard time adjusting to what he wants.. He wants me to be pretty, sexy the way I am 7 yrs ago when he first saw me and then he expects me to do everything at home without complaining.. I'm ain't perfect sometimes we get tired. But just the thought of leaving him makes my heartache badly since we have a son hoping to have happy family... Financially I can handle our expenses but my son needs his dad more than anything else... I lost and I'm not sure if I can still go on like this??? I need advice....
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female
reader, hmcm  +, writes (27 June 2011):
I'm so sorry but your husband is a complete bully. I have raised 2 children on my own and its no walk in the park, tell him to get his backside home , take your child for a couple of weeks and you swoon of on holiday because you DESERVE it after the condescending rant he gives you tell him that words are easily said and if he appreciates you let him SHOW it , my ex used to say that to me and i left him eventually the funny thing is after we split he says he always was scared i left , how ironic that his own insecurities made him put me down to the extent i couldn't put up with feeling useless all the time i thought he'd be better off without me, every time there was an argument it was always my actions never his that caused it, your husband is being selfish and needs to spend more time with you and your child, and by the way when i left my self esteem came back , i got all my friends back and i now have my own business.Tell him girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes partly I keep asking myself how long can I hold on to this? I'm making sacrifices for my son since I don't want him to grow up without a father. But sometimes we have to feel that someone is appreciating what we do. I stopped complaining for now since I don't want to argue no more. But if I've had enough I think we are better off alone without him. I can say I'm financially independent anyway, thanks for the advice. Nice to know somebody understands me though
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): You're married but you're raising your son as if you're a single mom ... his absence is not a "little thing". Yes, you have responsibilities, but so does your husband. He is responsible for being a good husband and father, and he's not doing either one. And the line that he doesn't know how to express his appreciation sounds like an excuse. Give him some suggestions of things he could do that would make you feel appreciated. You are a fabulous wife and mother! Don't let his complaints get you down.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd also I don't think he cheats on me for so long we have been together he has always been loyal in our relationship. I tried asking that to him if he is seeing another girl and he said no and would never do that. He also added I just need to straighten up my mind on what is the right thing to do and stop complaining about little things... Well I guess I should try it at least and if it doesn't work then maybe I just give up...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advices!! at least I know now I'm not as bad as what he use to tell me I am... Well I told him about how I feel towards him and what his doing but he said he does appreciate me it's just that he don't know how to show it. And also he said that I shouldn't be complaining about what I'm doing because it's my responsibility. I know I should be happy for doing all of this for our family but I just felt unappreciated at times... I think I need to lighten up a little and make few sacrifices in order to survive! God Bless Everyone..
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A
female
reader, hopeFUL_romantic_13  +, writes (24 June 2011):
I'm afraid I can moral support but not so much advice. It's seems like your husband really doesn't appreciate you. I don't think you are a bad wife and mom. Judging from your post, it sounds like you're trying your best. I must say I'd be angry if my husband was hardly home and had the gall to accuse me of not being good enough for our family. My sister's father is in a different state and is the same way but at least 50x. I'm not going to give you the story though because 1) it would be WAY too long 2) I want this to be post and not rejected because of language and content. I suggest have a stern talk with him, explaining that he has no right to put you down when he has left you with all the responsibilities and stress etc. Despite the fact that he is hard working as well, he should be more considerate of you what you do for your child while is he absent. I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, hilary +, writes (24 June 2011):
 Your husband is hurting you. If it was important to him that you were a good wife and mother he should make sure of that before he marries you, not marry you and then find out and then change his mind. Who is he to criticise you anyway? You sound like a wonderful wife and mother. But you also come across as downtrodden, and a bit of a doormat. You need to speak up for yourself, feel more confident in what you say and do and be more demanding and critical yourself.
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