A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had sex wih my friends brother. I have known him over 10 years. At the beginning there was some kind of attraction between us, but my friend, his sister didn't want us to get together. So I remained friends with her brother for 10 years.My friend moved to another country since two years and I've been hanging out with her brother still since we're good friends.Last month, we played video games and I stayed over at his house. We ended up having sex.The next day it was kind of awkward but he was very nice to me and we hung out like we used to. Just making jokes and had coffee. He did ask me if we're like dating. I answered NO out of shock effect I guess? He replied: oh so sad, in a more sarcastic manner.I dropped it and pretend it never happened. But he continued texting me and we had more sex the weeks after like twice a week. He said he didn't want to do this because he doesn't want to hurt me and he does care bout me. But he continues to have sex with me? And do the nice little things for me? He basically treats me like he would to his girlfriend? He holds my hand and give me massages and cooks for me etc. We go to see movies?He told me he doesnt want any commitment but he tells me that he misses me every day? He's always happy when I call him. One day, he left the house for work and I stayed in a bit, I saw him sitting by the bed and looked at me with a sad face? He still text me telling me what he's doing and asks me what im doing and not for sex? He knows that two other guys are chasing me. He said: I always think about you.. but I don't know and you have the two other guys...I don't know what he want. He tells me he doesnt want to be in a relationship but is sending mixed signals?Maybe someone else can explain what he's thinking, I have no idea.Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 Hi
I think you need to honest and tell him how you feel. He needs to know you have feelings invested and if he cant offer you more its in your interest that you seize all contact with him.
I would risk it all to find out now as the longer you leave it you will end up hurt.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 April 2013):
 He said he does not want a relationship and he does not want committment . Believe him.
That does not mean that he does not like you. Obviously he likes to have sex with you . He likes you somewhat as a person too, if you have been friends such a long time. And the thing about holding hands and wtaching movies... it's a weird misconception that FWB ( friends with benefits, ,that's what you are now ) means ONLY two people going at it like bunnies, with no tenderness and no affection. After all it's FRIENDS with benefits, not strangers with benefits.
BUT : the thing that " he does not want to hurt you " and " does not want a relationship "... it means that he likes you just in the form things are now. You are not the one, and he does not see you as gf material, you are very OK for now, but if he should chance into someone more suitable or appealing, he does not want to hold back.
I must say , though, that there is a chance ( slim, IMO, but there is ) that he may be acting this way because of your brusque reaction after the first time you had sex. He asks you : Are we dating now, you answer Heck NO !... I can see how even a guy with " honourable " intentions would feel it's a cold shower and he needs to pull back and be protective of his feelings.
Why don't you just ASK him, instead of guessing. Tell him that you'd thought it over and in fact you would not mind at least to TRY starting something more serious. The worst it can happen is that he can reiterate his not wanting a relationship, ( which anyway you had been told already , so no big shock ). At least you'll know for sure and you can take it from there.
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