A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,In the past nine or ten months, my partner of over four years has been very snappy and distant. He blames me for everything, even when it can't possibly have been my fault.About nine months ago, my partner made a new friend, a pretty woman he works with. He told me that he found her attractive and that, if he could, he would sleep with her. He started coming home a little late from work every day, then went to see her almost every night for weeks, going straight to bed when he got home. When I spoke to him about this, he told me nothing was going on, that they were just friends. When I had a party a few months ago to celebrate my birthday, he invited her and spent the whole night cuddling her on our sofa, ignoring me. The next day, he told me that nothing was going on, although he later admitted that he had kissed her. He denied that this had happened before, but I have since found this to be untrue. I can forgive what he said was a friendly kiss, but I find it hard to forgive lies. He promised not to lie again. Since then, I have found out that he has lied about little things (hugs etc.). I spoke to her and she told me she wasn't interested in him, but that he had been acting strangely recently. She says she is a naturally affectionate person and hopes he did not lead him on. Today, I went onto his e-mail address to get some information I needed and found that he has been sending her lots of e-mails calling her sexy and so on. She calls him darling, but his e-mails are much more affectionate. Today he sent her a picture of a rose. He often tells me he has no time at work to e-mail me. I don't know what to do. He denys that anything is happening, but he has lied in the past. I don't know her well enough to know if I can trust her, but she seemed very nice. I don't know if he thinks she wants to be with him or if they are together or just friends... What should I do? Sorry if this was too long...
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male
reader, ombiance  +, writes (12 July 2007):
babe from a guys perspective, if hes done it in his mind hell do it in real life. let alone telling u he would. sorry to be blunt but i think you know whats gonn happen. change is hard love but it happens. ignorance isnt the key. face the truth, be hurt and learn from your mistakes. hes not the one for you sorry to say
good luck
A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (11 July 2007):
Hi,
Both of these people have treated you with a total lack of respect. They have both lied to your face, him repeatedly. She “hopes she didn’t lead him on”! Well cuddling him on the sofa for an entire evening might just be construed as leading him on. And all in front of you as well. Charming. Unpleasant people can seem nice on the face of it. Nice women don’t canoodle with another man under the nose of his partner. He actually told you that he would sleep with her if he could?! I’m lost for words. People get tempted from time to time. But good people do not flaunt their lust in front of their partner, as though their feelings were of no consequence. You are trying to trust him, because you have integrity yourself, and are generous enough to credit him with the same. But in the face of this evidence, you have to accept that he has been a waste of your time. You are wasted on him! Chuck him out. Then take Donna’s advice re getting back out there, and enjoying your life without him. Take care.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi hun,
Your miles to soft for your own good, he is having his cake and eating it and you my sweet are feeding him it, sorry for being so blunt but it angers me when men like this treat nice girls like you like this....
It was your birthday party and he had the cheek to be on a sofa cuddling with her and not you well I wouldn't be standing for that I can tell ya, and as for her she knew what he was doing and she sat there and allowed this....
He goes to her place every night, please, this is not right hun, and you know it....
You deserve someone who will give back what you give, not this kind of relationship its hurting you thats no way to feel is it babes....
Nice girls deserve nice guys
So you get rid of this waste of space and go get ya self done up hit the town and paint it red, enjoy meetiing new friends and start dating again
Good luck babes,
Love Donna
PS Remember you deserve only the best in life because your worth it x
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Kick this so called man into touch he is an absolute creep,
He is supposed to be your partner and yet he goes round visiting her every night for weeks, he sits there cuddling her at Your Birthday Party then he admits to kissing her.
He has absolutely no respect for you at all and you do not deserve to be treated like this.
Let them have each other, she knows you are a couple so she should be distancing herself and she is not so she is just as bad.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hey babe i think this man has cheated on you.. or he may want to, as he has already told you he would sleep with her.. I think you should keep a close eye on him, and make sure you have a talk with him, because he needs to know how you are feeling.. I hope i helped. Mail me if you would like to talk x x
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