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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: can girls and boys be only friends?hi, my boyfriend has tons of very close girl friends. as his girlfriend, i feel slightly threatened by their close relationships, especially when i hear him calling them pretty, beautiful, etc.my take on this is that you have close same-sex friends because you find traits in them that are attractive. if you have close opposite sex friends, doesnt that mean that they therefore have traits which are attractive to you? meaning that you would be attracted to them?i personally have never had a close boy friend i wasnt slightly attracted to, and im drawing from that experience. should i ask my boyfriend to back off just a little? should i tell him how i feel or will that make me look like a helicopter girlfriend?this is of course considering straight relationships.please, any insight would be appreciated. its just driving me crazy! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Learning2Love +, writes (12 December 2006):
 Friends of the opposite sex is possible, but I've never known it not to contain at least some feelings of attraction.
I would suggest you orchestrate something similar with a willing boy friend or a close acquaintance that you trust, then when you go out, get him to meet you two 'impromptu', then say something like "hi gorgeous, fancy meeting you here" then give him a hug or a peck on the lips.
This will open your bf to the same feelings you're having, and that'll drive the point home, which'll give you the oppertunity to tell your bf how you feel about the same issue.
I know it seems underhanded but it is a good platform to get things out in the open.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): Yes, guys and girls can only be friends. I have a female friend who tells me all sorts of things, including sex, and geez, I even got her a dildo as a birthday gift. Sometimes, I tell her that she's really cute and stuff, but that's it. All truthful and NO ulterior motives. She reminds me of a cartoon dog character actually... [ponders]
Your doubts do not actually translate to not trusting him, as doubts are very normal feelings. Trust is a frame of mind. For some, it's easier to control doubts, and for others, they over-react either with cause or without.
I guess you can talk to him about your thoughts and your feelings, but if you suggest to him to stop being close to his female friends, this might annoy him. If my gf asked me to stop being close to my female friends, I might actually be insulted that she would indirectly feel threatened, possibly even cheat on her.
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