A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So he has never physically cheated on me that I know of.. But I've caught him talkin to numerous random girls even his ex. We are now engaged and expecting a child.. I've also caught him looking at porn. His arguement is it will never happen again with the girls or Porno.. Ok and I just found some more porn!! Is it a lost cause or should I keep sitting here unhappy.. I am 13 w prego and I have lost a couple of pounds my sister in law says it's from me stressing over him.. Please help I don't know what to do I don't want to be a single mom at age 21
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cheated on me, engaged, his ex, porn, sister in law Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (10 March 2010):
Honey, the porn thing is every woman's problem. Most of our men watch porn and you can't stop them. I know its annoying but unless its criminal stuff you might just have to turn a blind eye to that one.
As for talking to women, you cannot possibly completely isolate him. If he is just having general conversations that are non romantic then let him. If you make him live by impossible rules then he is going to fight to escape or just become secretive then you will never know what he is really up to. I live by this rule; keep your enemies very close. When my partner is talking to women I try form some sort of relationship with them so that I know what's going on. When I was younger I would fume and get mad but that never helped.
A
male
reader, ulick  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Relax! watching porn is NORMAL. I do not know any friend who doesn't. Really do not get upset about this is silly. Also talking to girls is good as far as it stays only that. What you expect not to talk to other women ever again?????
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): How's he talking to these girls, is he flirting with them or whatever.
Either way, men like to flirt, and it can be completely harmless.
If he's just talking to other women, then you need to chill out... all men watch porn, its what they do...always. It's not a betrayal thing, its a guy thing.
I think you should think about why you're upset and how rational you're being before you jump and gun
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Before you met him ,he was watching porn and talking or flirting with random girls.
Most men do watch porn in their lifetime .If any man says he has not watched porn in his life, I think either he has never grown up or he lives in the most primitive jungle on Earth where there is no porn.
No one is perfect.Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Watching porn , talking or flirting or ogling at girls are man's vices.
It is their inane nature and you can't ask them to stop doing it when it is natural to them and they have been doing it ever since they were small.
You could try to teach them , make them understand from your female perspective but men don't think the way like you think.
The sooner you realize that men are totally different creatures , the better is your understanding of them.
A man is not a horse where you can tame it, domesticate it and then bid the horse to do all your wants.
What you ought to do is to focus on his positive points and not on his negative one's.
Think more positive and not see everything in a negative light. You won't find happiness if you are forever looking at people's faults and having a very high expectations of your partner.
Love him for what or whom he is and not what you want him to be.
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A
male
reader, VocalsAndRhythmGuitarist  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 If it worries you that you could become single mom at 21 then way end up pregnant in the first place? It means that you're not ready to be a mom, because a good mother would seek what's best for her child, and if it means being single mom, then it shouldn't worry you.
The porn thing, it won't change, I'm a guy, so you can take my word for it. But as hijacked dignity said, you should dig up more information on what he talks about with these girls and other things.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Ok, so how does he talk with these women? Is he flirting and saying inappropriate things? Or is he just talking to friends who happen to be girls? Where does he meet these girls? Is he getting their numbers from online? If he is saying inappropriate things and getting numbers from inappropriate places, then the next step is cheating. Habits cause action, and that's something you really have to consider. It won't be easy being a single mom, but at least you'll have the chance to find someone that will make you happy. It's not easy to be happy, nor is it easy to find peace in life.
As for the porn, guys watch porn. It's not an excuse, just the way things are. Watching porn is something he's done all his life and he isn't going to change this particular behavior. No matter how much you talk to him about it, he's going to do what he's going to do. You already told him how you feel, and he already lied to you about it, so it's apparent that he's not going to change. I think that he made the wrong choice to lie, and he should have been up front and stated that he didn't see a good reason to quit his porn habit, but most guys aren't mature enough to do so. This is just something you are either going to have to accept in him or leave him. If you can't handle the idea of pornography, this is just another reason why you should leave, or else you'll drive yourself crazy.
I wouldn't worry about the porn too much. As long as it isn't replacing you in a sense, then what he's doing is his own problem. If it's something you can't handle however, then don't try to change him, just stop dealing with him. I think the biggest concern are these girls he's talking to. You need to do a lot of soul searching, and being a single mom is not the end of the world. You'll have help. Everyone deserves to be happy, and sometimes that can be found by getting rid of those people who aren't treating you as they should.
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