A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently went out with a guy whom I'd met online. We met up after about 1 week of emailing. The date was drinks only. There were no awkward silences and we spent about 2.5 hours together. The only thing is that he talked most of the time. I listened to him attentively, made comments along the way and maintained eye contact. When I would talk he'd keep his eyes on me but sometimes I felt like he wasn't that interested in what I was saying, I don't know...As the evening went on he got a bit closer to me and we both got a bit more comfortable with each other, but his non-stop talking continued. At the end of the date we parted in front of the bar and he didn't offer to walk me to my car. All he said was have a nice evening and walked off. I understand that this was just a meet to see if we get along in person but why talk on and on and not ask me much if he was there to get to know me? I feel like I didn't get a chance to show him who I am, what I think and so on.He didn't suggest a second date or even imply he'd want to see me again. I didn't either. Should I have?I think that if he was interested in seeing me again he would have asked but I wonder if I should have said something?Should I perhaps contact him now and say something? What should I say? It's only been a day since we met up.Even though he talked most of the night I wouldn't mind seeing him again to get to know him a bit more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): Well, I am of the mind that if a guy is interested he will nail down a second date with you. I don't think you should have done anything differently on your date, he did most of the talking so he wanted to impress you probably.
You might wait a couple of days and just send him an email thanking him for the date and saying you had a good time with him, but don't ask for another date....and then see what happens.
In the meantime keep talking and dating other guys, that is what dating is all about and most often it doesn't work out, that is why it is so phenomenal when it does.
Don't lose faith in yourself.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2009): I am sorry to say this, but I do not think he is interested. You sound like a lovely woman and I am sure you will find other men who are interested in you.
This just is not one of them. He continued to talk on and on as you say because he wanted to pass the time by quickly. It happens sometimes when people first meet, that they do not have that instant chemistry that keeps them wanting to go on a second date and want to hear what the other person has to say.
When I went on first dates, the guys always talk first a little then ask me about my life,etc. A few of them even told me that they did not want to bore me! From my impressions, from what you have posted, I would NOT call, and NOT e-mail again. I may be old fashioned, but the guy should make the effort and ask you and call you!
Good Luck Love!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (11 July 2009):
Sure, he didn't get a chance to get to know you...but you definitely got a chance to know him. Do you really even want to go out on a second date with him? He talked incessantly (about himself I'm sure) and didn't walk you to your car (which you and most other woman would have given a guy brownie points for). He sounds really lame and I really don't think that you're even THAT inerested in him. So, I'm going to say no don't call him and ask to see him again (even if the date was great, I still wouldn't suggest asking when you're going to go out again). If he wanted to know anything about you, he would have asked you. If a guy is interested, he'll want to hear about your life as well.
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A
male
reader, Kolinsky  +, writes (11 July 2009):
That's weird.
Well, I think first and foremost you should come to terms with the fact that you two may not have clicked. That's what dating is all about, right? You put your cards on the table and hope for the best, but most of the time it doesn't work out and that's ok. You keep moving forward.
Now that that's out of the way, you should consider some other possibilities:
He was too nervous and did his best to hide it by talking on and on.
He's not a listener - many people aren't.
He liked you, but he got too shy and wasn't sure if you'd go for another date.
Either way I wouldn't be quick to judge.
On the "Should I contact him" issue...
What do you think? Should you? How does that feel to you?
You're probably afraid you'll come off as desperate or a stalker, but I think that's alright. Golden rule: always ask twice.
If he says "no" or something along the lines... well, you tried and that's admirable.
Don't lose hope though. Things have a funny way of working out.
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (11 July 2009):
Maybe he was stressed: people can react to stress in many ways, including not talking, talking too much and/or too fast. If he was stressed, maybe it was because he cared about how you feel about him, because he feels attracted to you. Maybe I am wrong too. If you want to see him again, ask for a second date!
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