A
female
age
30-35,
*Jay*
writes:My boyfriend recently bumped into an old friend and agreed to go to the cinema with her, just the two of them. I felt a bit uncomfortable with this so asked if he could take a friend with him just to put my mind at rest. I know he loves me, and i trust him but i dont trust other girls and it's sending me crazy. I keep making little comments that i just cant help and he is getting annoyed. Has anyone got any advice on how to deal with the jeslousy bug. PLEASE
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 June 2007):
 i understand your worry. Of all places, I don't understand why the cinema. Mostly, I think you should have been invited too. Why not. How much catching up do they need and when was the last time they saw eachother. If I was going out with another woman and my wife was at home, she'd be invited too, without a doubt.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Have you ever thought that your bf was just being nice to this old friend and the thought of a movie was just that a nice thought and nothing more.
Love can be all consuming and if you revolve your world around your bf then you don't have a life outside of this relationship.
If I was you I would not be sitting around indoors on the night he is going out with this female friend but instead I would be busy with friends and then he does not know what you are doing so it goes both ways and it is a case of trust on both parts.
You both have to have friends that you socalise with outside of just each other as bf's and gf's come and go but good friends are always there. So don't forget them and don't make one bf so important that everything else fades into the background.
You may not even realise it but if you are in this relationship and some of your friends aren't they may feel very left out and even though they may not say it they may miss spending time with you just for a girlie evening out so make a point of having 1 night a month with them or something so that you always have a good social circle of friends apart from just your bf OK.
Jealousy can become so consuming that it makes you very ill and if you push him really hard you will make certain that your bf ends it with you because you have become too possessive so don't push him away either.
Keep us posted eh!
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Feelings such as jealousy are based on fear and do not come from love at all, we say we feel like this BECAUSE we love the person but this isn't the case at all. Jealousy comes from wanting to possess and wanting to own or have. One cannot own another being or even the mind of another being. One being cannot live for another. Remember that FEAR stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear immobilizes and makes it virtually impossible for people to think effectively because it bypasses the pre frontal cortex and goes directly to your right brain emotional center and is thus not even analyzed first!
Feelings such as guilt and worry are in the same category. See what benefits you could possibly derive from sitting in your favourite chair and contemplating as well as experiencing these feelings intensely for a few hours? None of course because they do not deliver any benefit other than getting you into an even greater state of fear. So you see, that jealousy, guilt, fear and worry all belong in the trash bin because they do not deliver any benefit whatsoever. Love on the other hand will get you to understand and be less fearful. This in turn will make it possible for you to experience joy and bliss.
Remember always: You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else. YOU determine the future. And you become what you THINK. Be careful because the universe will deliver that which you THINK!
So trust him........
Eve
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (31 May 2007):
 Hia babe gawd i understand wot yoo r feelin at the moment, i have been in the same situation once in my life but like wot kenny said yoo cant realy get up to that much in a cinema chick but the worst thing yoo can do is follow them.. cos i thaught of that but if he saw yoo thn it wudnt b good.. my current boyfriends ex wonted to do the same and my boyf actualy considered it!! i was mortified.. but if yoo love ur boyf and he loves yoo then i am sure he wont cheat because he loves yoo, dont keep bothering him tho cos it could make him think yoo dont trust him.. by the wqy i totaly understand its the girls yoo dont trust.. but he wont do anything if he loves yoo. how about yoo goin with them.. or yoo meet her before hand.. that would make yoo feel better.. mail me if yoo wona talk x x x
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (31 May 2007):
 I can quite understand that he has bumped into an old friend that he has not seen in a while and there is some catching up to do. But honestly how much catching up can you do in a cinema watching a movie, you can't talk to each other. The more likely thing to do wouuld be to go and grab a coffy, or a bite to eat.
I woulden't be to jealous that he is going to meet up with this old friend, however i would make it be known that you are not happy about him and her going to the movies alone.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (31 May 2007):
 You wouldnt feel worried if it was a guy he was going to the cinema with.
I think you need think - if it was you going out with a guy friend he would feel the same.
Maybe you could meet her - try being friends with her too, might put your mind at rest?
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