A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband left me for his mistress about two months ago and he doesn't think he is having an affair. I did send divorce papers right away but know I'm regretting it. We have been talking and he swears on the kids he will be back before may and wants to see if we can make it. He told me is mistress asked if he signed the papers and he told her no. I said she didnt rush you and he said no. I asked him if she knew he was leaving her before may and he said no and don't tell her. Like I would talk to her. he has no job or money and is 1400 miles from home. He owes her money. I'm regretting sending the divorce papers in a way cause I love him and hope it works but in another way I don't know if I could ever trust him again. He told me he loves her and me. And she makes him happy. Well of course she is paying for everything and there is no kids except hers who are older every other week if that. Need advice if I'm getting played can't put me or kids through this ever again. He swears on his mothers grave he will fix it. He also told me he thinks I may be right that his in love feeling is buried under all the anger he had before he left. Yes I took him for granted. And lied a lot. What should I do.
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affair, divorce, mistress, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 February 2012):
 You're being played. Both you and the other woman.
If he really wanted to work things out with you he'd come back now. He doesn't need to sleep in her bed to pay her whatever money he owes her. He can send it via email or Western Union. He's living in her home which means he won't need to rent a U-Haul to move his things. It should be easy enough.
So what's stopping him?
His plan is to escape to your home when she's done supporting him and decides she wants him to contribute. Obviously he doesn't want her to know that he hasn't signed the divorce papers because she would turf him out now.
Would you trust him if he came back? Would you admire and respect him? Do you think he is a great role model for your kids?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): I am curious as to why he doesn't think he is having an affair, he was and now he is living with her. Thats him lining a woman up so he can go to her when homelife and marriage got too much.
He could have stayed and tried to sort the marriage - he didnt, he got a lover and went.
You admit you have told lies and took him for granted - well he has done exactly the same.
So, why is he 'promising' to come back before May, whats happening in May, what changes - is his lover going to move or has she given him an ultimatum re work etc?
If he really wanted the marriage to work he wouldn't have gone to her and he wouldn't be waiting till May to come back.He is playing you both in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 February 2012):
Hi there. It depends on what you lied about, before he went off with this other woman.
Did you fight a lot?
What kinds of things did you fight about?
Do you work, or are you a stay at home mum?
Perhaps over the years and then having children, you got a bit bored with life and felt uninspired about everything, so you were a bit grumpy when he got home from work.
I am only guessing at what lead up to the point where he found a lover and then moved in with her.
Perhaps he worked long hours at the office, and then came home to just watching tv and felt that life was passing him by. Like a mid-life crisis.
Maybe what is missing from both of your lives now - is fun.
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